Roadtrip Fanfic: 5th Wheel

6: Old habits

Mikey's POV:

I always had a suspicion from the moment that jack and Brooklyn met that they might like each other. I could tell from the way they looked at each other. The way they cuddled. The way they laughed. The way they kissed even if they said it was 'just for a vlog'. I meant it when I said I thought they were cute together but god it hurt. It hurt so damn much because what Brooklyn didn't know was that I had loved him from the moment I met him. I could never tell him because I had made such a big deal out of being strait when they teased me even though I was actually bisexual. I could never tell him because I thought he was strait. I could never tell him because I thought he'd hate me and now it's too late because he's dating jack.

I already knew that Rye and Andy were together. They had come out about a year ago and I don't mind one bit but now that Jack and Brooklyn date as well I just feel so excluded from the bad but I guess I'll just need to hide it because the others still don't know.

We walked back into the studio and by this point jack had regained consciousness but was laying on the sofa still looking very pale. As soon as we stepped in the room Brooklyn ran over to him and hugged him. I heard him whisper something in jack's ear and jack looked up at me nodding his head. I'm presuming that brook told him that I know.
I just smiled then walked out of the room unable to contain my jealousy for much longer I disguised this however by getting jack a bottle of water and a biscuit.

Studio never finished until about 3am and by the time we got back to the day we were all knackered. The boys all fell asleep immediately but I just could stop thinking of jack and Brooklyn and how happy they seemed. I always knew that something was going on but it hurt to know that it was true. It hurt to know that I would never have a chance with brook now.
After a long and deep overthinking period I finally managed to fall asleep.

I've been trying to act normal since i found out but I can't help getting jealous every time I see them together. I'm at the gym nearly 5 times a day to try and distract myself from the stressful situation but I've not had much time to do simple tasks like eating, sleeping or even learning lyrics I've just been at the gym non stop because it seems to be the only thing that can get my mind off of him.

Blair and the boys have been getting pretty man because I've not been learning my lines and practicing as often but I can't bring myself to tell them how I'm feeling so I just stay up until 6 in the morning learning my lines and recording my solo's to keep on track but I can feel myself getting more stressed by the minuet.

I like look on my phone for the time to see

Phone:
Blair: 6missed calls
Andy:4missed calls
Rye:3missed calls
Brooklyn:2missed calls
Jack:1missed call

Blair:WHERE ARE YOU WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT STUDIO AND HOUR AGO!!!
Blair:GET BACK TO THE FLAT NOW!
Blair:MIKEY WHERE ARE YOU?!
Blair:IF YOU DONT GET BACK NOW YOUR BEING KICKED OUT THE BAND!!!

Rye:mikey where are you blair is going mental you need to get back now before he goes off on another tangent.

Shit! They are going to kill me!
I ran back to the flat as quickly as possible. After being screamed at by blair and lectured for being irresponsible and unreliable then heading strait to the studio to be even further moaned at for being just a fucking useless human being in general I had finally had enough. I had finally snapped I just couldn't take it anymore. I had tried so hard for days to keep my cool but all the emotions and anger had been building up inside of me until;
"Fuck this I'm out!"I shouted and without thinking I recklessly punched a glass window, my fist going straight through it causing it to shatter into pieces. I was in so much shock of what I had done that I ran out of the studio and threw up.

Rye had known my longest and he was the only one who knew that I was bisexual and my history with anger and depression therefore he was the only one who knew what was happening and how to help. He ran out after me and grabbed me into a tight hug after I had finished throwing up. I cried into his shoulder for a good 10 minutes before he gasped and pulled away. 
I looked at him, his image blurry from my water eyes.
"Your hand mikey! It's bleeding"he said worriedly.
I was confused at first until I remembered what I had done then I looked down at my hand and saw it gushing with blood. A sharp shred of glass still impaled into my knuckle. I hadn't even realised that I was hurt. I must have been so upset that I didn't even feel it.
"We've got to get you to hospital" he sighed and I just looked down in shame. I couldn't help but remembering all the old bad habits that I had been getting my self back into, anger, depression, working out tirelessly, not eating, not sleeping.
"What am I gonna do..."I whispered.