his boy // newtmas & dylmas oneshots

all too well ~ newtmas

Dear Newt,

That day, during the first week we were dating, I left my scarf at Sonya's house. I know you still have it in your drawer, even though it has been three months.

That day felt so amazing to me. We had only been dating a couple days and yet greeting Sonya at her door, your arm around my waist, the cool October wind pushing at us, it all felt like home.

Remember our road trip? You and your sweet disposition and me and my wide eyed gaze. We were so innocent then, yelling songs at the top of our lungs out the window, getting lost somewhere upstate. I can still see the autumn leaves falling, taking pictures of you and the changing colors.

I know it's long gone and the magic isn't there anymore, and I might be okay but I'm not fine yet, it still hurts sometimes.

I close my eyes and there we are again on our hometown streets, being thrown forward as you hit the brakes. You almost ran a red light because you were looking at me, and I can see your big brown eyes and the wind blowing through our hair and I remember it all too well.

I can picture the photo album on the kitchen counter and the blush across your cheeks as your mom told me stories about you when you were younger. About you and your glasses and your tee ball team and that twin-sized bed. You both had this look in your eyes as you told me about your past, thinking that your future was with me.

It's so long gone and there's nothing else I can do, and I try to forget all these details. I forget about them for long enough and then I seem to forget myself too.

There we are in the middle of the night, dancing around the kitchen in the fridge light because we were hungry and then distracted. You had me in your arms and I was laughing and I remember it all so well.

Maybe we got lost in translation or maybe I asked for too much, but baby what we had was beautiful. It was a masterpiece, until you tore it all up. I was scared when we fought, I remember that too. I remember every single tear.

And then you called me again, just to officially end it, and broke me right in two just like you did with all your promises. You seemed so cold, too casually cruel, like you weren't splitting me in half as you spoke. I felt like a crumpled up piece of paper you'd thrown away, and I remember it all.

Time moves slowly now. It's like I'm paralyzed by it, stuck in the same routine. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find him.

I think I still have one of your plaid shirts from all those days when I'd steal them. You mailed back my things, but I'm still missing one item.

You still have my scarf from that very first week, and not to tell you your feelings or anything, but it probably does the same for you as your shirt does for me. It reminds you of the innocence we had, and still smells like me, and you can't get rid of it because you remember it all too well.

There we are again, when I loved you so much it hurt, back before we lost the one real thing we've ever known. Wind in my hair, the kitchen down those stairs, everything. I know you remember it all.

What we had was rare. I should know, I was there, and I remember it all too well.

Love, (still your) Tommy

~ ~ ~ ~

AN: heyyyyy lovelies

I hope you all have been well, I myself have been struggling with exams (particularly math), so I hope for those of you in school you do well on whatever tests you have.

This is the song All Too Well by Taylor Swift, and yes, I don't like her new style, but i love the Red album. I was playing it on my guitar and the idea came to me. i started to write it before i realized that it might be better as a letter than a story, if that makes sense?

See you next time i decide to write! (Really, i should be making a schedule, but nahhhhh)