What Lies Beneath

Chapter Twenty

Chapter 20

I walk through the barrier walls that keep my secret place safe. A field of thick green grass meets my bare feet gliding over each blade and the sun beats down on my back warm and comfortable. I continue toward my house watching the clouds around me morph into funny shapes and sizes as they come and go.

I look at a beautiful house enchanted with magnificent color; the exterior design layers in flat rocks, larger ends facing outward along all four walls, presenting my surroundings with a calmer feeling. It's small, like a shack, and a chimney pours out clear smoke from its stack, floating away and blending in with the clouds above me.

The aroma of lilac washes over me and I am at peace. A heavenly chorus of birds sing in the trees, with their notes hanging in the air, and insects swiftly fly around me, creating their own traffic ways.

I step forward.

The warm rustle of wind runs through my clothes and clamps onto my skin, making my hair swiftly sway over my shoulder. I arrive at the rustic wooden door and lightly place my hand on the edge of the rough knob; I turn it and push the door forward, entering my home.

The French carvings along the wall weave into different configurations forming one final masterpiece in front of me, excelling from immature to mature. A smoldering fireplace sits to the left of the room, filling the space with a scent of furbished wood from the forest. The wood snaps apart and sparks periodically as it falls in the fire, sending it up into flames and sizzle back down again to a light glow.

Beneath me is sturdy and flexible, feeling the soft wooden floor as it gently moans while I walk, tasting a light layer of dust scattering in the air. I look around on the cream walls and up where a peak, not too far above me, shows dark oak support beams contrasting against its light background.

I migrate to the backside of my house where my eyes lay upon a majestic water fountain with water drizzling off the sides of its Crivitz. It is flat on the wall in front of me flowing down left and right, eventually making its way to a small lagoon. Ravishing white tulips surround the fountain and bring out the small plaque that gives this yard all of its history.

The plaque has engraved letters that spell out Rebecca. My feelings overpower me; a rush of blood fills my cheeks and tears sting my eyes as I fall to my knees, every limb in my body shaking. I don't cry though, there is no crying here.

Just then, I feel a hand touch my head and the shaking stops, I become at ease. I look up to see a shimmer of light from a familiar body. I smile at my mother and realize that we can be together in peace without anyone else to think about. The wind rustles my hair as I put my head back down again and continue my prayers to those below me. I have gained a new respect for the dead that burden us all thanks to this speechless woman that has taught me a lesson of death - forgiveness.

I believe in taking a chance, taking a moment to realize that, even though you are alone in this world, it doesn't have to be that way. I wish I had those days where I didn't know what to expect, where I could lose track of time and I didn't know what was going to happen next. If we lived in a world that had that expectation, then that would make all the lives in this world that much more worth living.

Looking back now on my past, I have come to realize a few things. We can't control our feelings, we can't control who comes into our lives, and we can't decide who destroys it. However, the one thing we do have control over is deciding what is best and what we deserve for ourselves. We know this because everyone knows themselves better than any other person. Some of you may not understand this yet, but I do.

I never forgave myself in the mortal world for accepting my weaknesses and taking in the good in my life, and that is something I can never get back. Death is such a burden but it is something we need to experience to understand death itself. Why am I telling you this? The lessons I have learned and the struggles I have been through are too much for an average teenager to bare, but we bare through it to look for something greater in this life - happiness. Happiness and forgiveness, the lucky ones find out what that is really about.

Fortunately, I am one of them.

Are you?