Darkness Taking Dawn- Lars Ulrich Fanfiction

What Am I Supposed To Do

Hey pig
Yeah you
Hey pig piggy pig pig pig
All of my fears came true
Black and blue and broken bones you left me here I'm all alone
My little piggy needed something new Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I don't care anymore
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I just don't care
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I don't care anymore
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I just don't care Hey pig
Nothing's turning out the way I planned
Hey pig there's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand
What am I supposed to do I lost my shit because of you Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I don't care anymore
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I just don't care
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I don't care anymore
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I just don't care Nothing can stop me now - Nine Inch Nails

I remember waking up one day finding Rita packing up her guitar and books. I've been hanging out with her for about a year around this time. As far as I knew she wasn't getting evicted but she just lazily and nonchalantly stated that she was going out touring with her band. I could understand that. She wanted to make it big. So around this time she exerted the most energy I ever seen come from her.  She was very thorough when it came to delicate packing and packaging all of her amps and other band equipment. Around this time they were going to be touring around the west coast while the guys and I were going to go to San Francisco to find a new bassist. She stated it would only last for a few months since she was only going to spend most of her time up in Washington and in other parts of California and maybe squeeze in Nevada. 

However, what always caught me off about her was that she was incredibly educated (or at least carried herself that way), yet she wasn't in college. She was only a year older than I was so she could've had at least one year of college down. When i brought it up to her she just merely stated that , 'An institution never suited my fancy. Plus, I've already earned some credits.' I never really knew the specifics of any of it, but with all the paper work that littered her worn down apartment you'd almost expect for her to be a student.

When I saw her pack away all of her work materials into the old almost rustic van I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I was seeing a relatively small sized girl pack heavy equipment away into the back like it weighed nothing. I would constantly ask if I could help, but she wouldn't respond as if I weren't even there.

Once her and her friends finished stowing away everything she came up to me and merely told me goodbye.  

"She was never really the emotional type." I recalled. "It always seemed like she was very strained whenever she tried to express something to someone else. Even to her bandmates and to myself she was always very forced whenever she would communicate with another person." Even when we got close she almost never openly talked about anything that may have deeply affected her in the past. Again it was like another unspoken rule when it came to her. "She was very touchy and sensitive about herself."  

While, that was going on I had to get ready to go on to San Francisco with the rest of the guys. But believe it or not her quiet lack luster self made everything that followed suit feel a bit better. Around this time we had just kicked out our first bassist, Ron. Plus, tensions between Dave and the rest of the band were just getting worse and worse. It was always very loud and active around the guys, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but being around Rita was sobering. Her somewhat timid and quiet mentality and air had always had a serene and tender effect on me despite never really outwardly exemplifying any of those traits.

Apparently she had to tour so quickly because she wanted to impress then CEO and founder of Metal Blade Records, Brian Slagel. Along with that she was stating that apparently a lot more people took to her music up in Seattle and northern parts of California rather than in Los Angeles or any of the surrounding areas. either way I couldn't take that away from her. She clearly loved her music and wanted to do something with it. However, she never actually really told why she ever loved music or wanted to be a part of the industry. 

"But I just assumed she had a lot riding on making it big.", I turned towards the woman. "We all had a lot riding on making it big. We were all young and didn't want to follow in the steps of our parents. So I just assumed it was a familial issue. I never really got to asking her about it though. She rarely ever spoke about them except in a few one off statements."

"Thank you Mr.Ulrich. We will contact you tomorrow. Thank you again for your input." The producer lady gently smiled at me but then turn away to take a phone call.

As I was about to leave I saw a blurry figure come closer and closer towards me heading to the same room I had just sat down in. It was none other than the bassist of Rita's band, Lilly. We have never spoken that much, and as far as I knew she never really cared for me all that much. Whenever she would look towards me she would grimace in disgust. She hadn't changed much since when I last saw her. She was still keeping the 'punk spirit' alive with her greasy brown hair that covered the entirety of her face some worn out torn black jeans, combat boots, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, and her iconic tinted blacked out heart glasses that she would never take off.

As I went to approach her she whipped her head around to face me, but to my surprise stepped back away from me almost in surprise as she saw me.

"What do you want, Ulrich?" She questioned with a slight accent that was still present after all these years.

"I just wanted to say hi."

"Well, you did. You can leave now. You are taking up my breathing space." She stated rudely.

"Look, I just want to talk to you about-"

"Don't you dare bring up Rita!" She nearly yelled. "I will not have you taint her good name around me! You took her from me. Can't you just allow me to bask in her memory by myself. Can't you let me keep that for myself? Have you no decency!" She whispered as more and more eyes within the studio began to look over at us more and more.

"Look it has been almost twenty years! I miss her too, Lilly. Why can't we just talk?"

"Because you aren't worth my time, and you weren't worth hers." She finalized turning away from me and disappearing further into the set.

As I exited the building I pulled out a loose cigarette from my pocket as I leaned back thinking to myself about you. Nothing's turning out the way I planned. There's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand. I lost my shit because of you. You left me wondering, 'What am I supposed to do?'