Darkness Taking Dawn- Lars Ulrich Fanfiction

Can't Change Me

She has the daylight at her command
She gives the night its dreams yeah
She can uncover your darkest fears
Make you forget you feel them
Wait just one minute more
I can see that she's trying to free me
Suddenly I know
She's going to change the world
But she can't change me
No she can't change me
Suddenly I can see everything that's wrong
With me yeah
What can I do I'm the only thing I really have
At all - Chris Cornell

As I immediately go in a panic towards my car towards the airport I can see the look odd the bustling crowd gaze towards me in confusion. This could've been because of the sheer fact that I just looked to unfamiliar to them or because I went into the shop, but either way their eyes were drawn to me and wouldn't be lifted until I had completely vanished from within their sights. Once, I made my way back to my car I slumped back down against my car wheel with my figure heaving up and down as the feeling of dread coupled along with sleep depravation and desperation kick in tenfold only for it to nearly completely paralyze me within my own body causing me to nearly throw up as I gazed at my even paler and less healthy looking physic within my car's rearview mirror. When was the last time I slept? When was the last time I even properly rested?

All these thoughts and more began to run wild throughout my mind and started to completely drench and drown me within my own mind until a round banging against the glass window forced me to focus my attention in the direction of the perceived sound. I gazed up only to find a tall, slightly aged figure standing outside adjacent to my own car prompting me to get out. I nodded towards the man silently telling him that I was compiling. Yet, to my surprise in my sleepy half conscious state I didn't realize that it was my own bandmate lurking about with a look of concern plastered across his face while he continued to look down at me.

Once seeing my full figure emerge from the car he urged me to the sidewalk where we began to stroll down it away from the loud hustle and bustle from the rest of the residents until we came to a small semi isolated park in the southern side of the town. We finally stopped once we came to a bench and sat down. When there no words were exchanged between us. It was just endless stared filled with worry combined with sadness and gloom evident within his greying blue eyes. He released a puff of air as though he was letting go of all of his struggled while simultaneously trying to break to tension evident within the current situation. It was as though he was trying his damn hardest to try and defuse the situation to try and have it not blow up in both of our faces.

He suddenly dropped all formalities and turned his full attention towards me while not wasting a second of time to try and personally analyze the situation.

"Lars, buddy, what are you doing?" James questioned with a new sense of tenderness evident within his voice.

"Nothing I'm just-"

He quickly cut me off clearly not particularly enjoying the way I was trying to slip my way out of this situation. "Lars, listen, I'm not the brightest, but I'm not stupid, ok?" He started.

"But, this," He stated referencing the whole ordeal with Rita. "Isn't right."

James continued to gaze into my eyes almost piercing my very being with the sharpness of his glare. "Lars, look," He started to sound a bit more sympathetic. "Rita, is gone. She's dead. There is nothing you can do about it. There is nothing anybody can do about it."

He paused for a mere moment before shifting his gaze from me to the small animals roaming around in the cold and dense surrounding area of the park. "I know you love her and you feel indebted to her, but it's done with. It's over with. You can't allow yourself to be like this over her." He stopped once more. "I get it. I loved her like family too, but it's done with. It's been like this since 2000. Just look at Lilly. Look how screwed up she still is behind this whole thing. I can't just allow you to go and try and follow some breadcrumbs hoping it'll lead to Rita." He summed up.

"That's not a way to live a life. That's not a way to remember Rita." He finished.

"Well, what do you suggest I do?" I pondered nearly croaking out.

"Finish, this dumb documentary and think to yourself personally if you really loved her."

I looked towards him confused as ever until he sighed acknowledging that he would have to explain this to me.

"Don't hoister her up, because of what all these executive bastards. Why did you and why are you holstering her up?" He then stood up and shoved his hands into the pockets of his grey trench coat before turning away.

"Remember Lars, you can't just parade around an image for long. There has to be some sort of substance there. " He concluded.

"There just can't be pity there." He finished before abandoning in the park alone.

I stood there feeling my own weight crumble and fall away from beneath. As I looked around for some sort of queue or sign. I just needed something to reaffirm why I am doing this. I needed some sort of indicator as too why I'm jumping through these loops like a dog. I needed just one reason to keep me going. She was the only thing that I really had, but is this worth it?

I pulled out my wallet and took out the only picture of her that I even ever bothered to carry around with me. Suddenly, before I knew it large wet tears began to harshly slide my face and onto the photograph blotching my vision along with her picture. I almost laughed looking down at her. I knew she was going to change the world, but she still can't manage to change me. Now look where I am. When she died she left me here now look what I. I am reduced to almost nothing. I am left following what's left of her.

"Like a dog." I finally managed to choke out.