I've Always Been [Shikamaru x Reader x Deidara]

Chapter 24: Alive

She witness half of Shikamaru's team's fight with the Jashinist. She wanted to help them but she was reminded that she was an Akatsuki.

Calm days passed after the incident. She felt grimaced of what happened to Team 10's teacher. And, she felt worse when she smelled a familiar pair.

Her heart stung. If he had looked at her way, would she be in Temari's place? Would she be the one who'll always be beside Shikamaru?

"You're the light that guide me out of my darkness."

Million swords and arrows pierced her heart as she heard the sentence. The pineapple head felt the pain.

She felt so useless. So unworthy.

She held back her tears and told the couple that she is his darkness. She claimed she was his darkness.

"No, you weren't, Y/N." Shikamaru muttered as tears came out of his eyes. "You weren't my darkness."

Temari still hold him tight, listening to his voice. She was kind of glad that he had survived this far. It has been hours since the curse activated.

She was right. No matter what she says that time would come out as a lie to my ears but now, I believe everything.

All of it.

-

She had written a letter for Shikamaru. A letter worth reading. It was full of emotions. Love, pain, happiness, sadness, you name it.

Yet, he saw her as an enemy when they met for the last time. He strived to defeat her.

And, all she ever wanted to do was for Shikamaru to reach her feelings. Even in the last minute of her life, she was hurt.

Yet, she still love him. She's always been in love with him.

Shikamaru gasped when he was out of her memories.

"Shikamaru!" Temari exclaimed. "Are you alright!?"

"I'm...I'm alright..." He felt guilty. "Temari..."

"Yes?" She looked at the genius with her beautiful green eyes.

"I never knew she was so much in pain. I never realized I lost someone so precious to me." He cried. "I could've done better for her but..." he sniffed.

Temari's arms pulled him into a hug. "It's not your fault, Shikamaru. At least, now, you know how much she loved you. And, I'm pretty sure, she'll always stay in your heart."

Once everything has calmed down, they were lying on the ground, staring at the clouds. "Oh yeah, she wrote a letter." Temari said, showing him the letter.

"Oh yeah, I saw her writing that in my brain." He said as he tore the seal and read the letter.

Shikamaru-kun,

I honestly don't know how I would start with this letter but I guess, I should say sorry to you first. I'm sorry for wasting all the efforts your clan has given me. I am sorry for wrecking the room you had given me. I am sorry for always causing you trouble, to your team and to your clan. I am sorry for everything and all the things I had made you hurt. I'm sorry.

I am grateful for giving me a second chance of living as a human being. If you hadn't saved me that day, I would have probably be either dead already or have been killed by another ninja. Thank you for bringing my humanity back. Thank you for teaching me everything I hadn't known. Thank you for trusting me when everyone didn't fully trust me at all. Thank you for giving worth to my life.

You had given my life a purpose and I am grateful for that. That is something I would never ever forget even if I have perished. It is a debt I would never be able to return. You gave me a family. You helped me have friends. Konohagakure was my home. You are my home.

I was supposed to confess my feelings for you the day I first shifted but I guess, that won't be necessary anymore because someone holds your heart now. I do hope she's your first and definitely last and the woman who'll love you forever.

If she hurt you, I'll haunt her. But I am sure that she'll be the most troublesome woman you'll love.

But never forget, Shikamaru-kun. I'll be the first woman who ever truly loved you as much as Temari did.

I love you. I've always been and will always be.

The wolf girl,
Y/N L/N

"What does it say?" Temari peaked at the letter.

"She never changed." He smiled. "She said you should treasure me or she'll haunt you down."

"H-haunt me down!?" She exclaimed. "What is she saying? Of course I'll treasure you." She blushed, looking away.

"Right." He agreed. "I never knew she was hurting so much. I thought I was going to die. Especially when she saw us kissing." His hand reach up to where his heart is.

Temari became flustered at his words. "Don't say it so casually!" She slapped him.

"Ow—! What the heck?!"

-

Deidara arrived from the base. It was raining in their area. He was still carrying Y/N's body when he asked Pein if he could at least bury her body.

It was a great lost both to Deidara and the Akatsuki.

Just as he was finally loving someone else...he lost her, trying to protect him.

"This this the least I could do for you, Y/N. I wish I could have given you more happiness, un." He muttered at the ground where he buried Y/N. "I really loved you, un."

-

"Shikamaru." Temari called.

"Wha-what is it?" He responded, his cheeks still stinging from Temari's slap.

"Did you ever thought of looking at her the way you look at me?"

He nodded. "I was nearly there but you came into the picture and I didn't regret it. I just thought...maybe if I had given more attention to her, she would still be..." he paused.

"Alive."

——————
This is the last chapter but there's still a short epilogue that I'll post after this!

Reirin xx