losing light [RPDR•TRIXYA]

believe

katya
maybe i was wrong about miracles.

i'd never believed in them, cliche lies from biblical times and bad pop music.

but i looked at trixie, and who she was, and who i was, and how we came together. maybe they are real. she's a miracle.

-
once i watched she lay on the grass on the field in between our houses at midnight. we were 11. it was the first and only time she'd sneaked out when her stepdad was home. she was terrified but with the stars in her eyes, she looked so calm.

"when we're 35 and unmarried, wanna be lesbians?"
"together?" i asked.
"no, lesbians in separate houses. of course together."
"well, yeah. sure."
"you'll be with someone by the time you're 20." she sighed.
"nah. i'll be holding on to our plan."
"just break all my relationships up and it'll work fine."
"who says i haven't already?"
"i've never had a boyfriend."
"exactly."

she sat up and looked at me, and we both burst into laughter. that night, we climbed through my bedroom window and she stayed over until it was 4:30am and she had to go.

i walked her to her bedroom window of the small one story house.
"i'll see you."
"yeah." i sighed.
"katya?"
"yeah?" i looked up at her.
she placed her lips on mine gently, her mouth soft like a feather. like she was scared she'd break me. she pulled away before i got the chance to kiss her back.
"what was that for?" i said in shock.
"i just wanted to know how it felt."
"and?"
"i'll tell you when i figure out the way to describe it."
"oh. okay."

and then she climbed through her window and i waited a couple more minutes, until i realised i was waiting for nothing. i went home and didn't sleep for a minute.

-
we'd been friends since 3rd grade. we were the unexpected best friends. i was the kid who sliced her arm open and drank the blood, and she was the kid who watched me do it in silence.

"what are you looking at?" i hissed at her.
she turned as if she hadn't been.
"ugh."
"fine. nothing. you're just a bit weird." she shrugged.
i laughed. "yeah, okay."
"i'm trixie."
"katya."

we already knew each other's names- we'd been in each other's classes for a while. it just felt right to introduce ourselves.

she waited for me after class and walked to the bathroom to stop the bleeding with tissues. she told me about her collection of barbies.
"you look like a barbie doll."
"really?"
"yeah."
"thank you. you look sort of like a monster high doll."
"yeah, i know." i laughed again.

and then we were best friends. because that's how children work.

-
the first day she came to school, we were in 1st grade math, learning addition.
"alright class, it seems we have a new student." everyone perked up, the boys hoping it was a fast runner for the soccer team, and the girls hoping it was a skinny white blonde girl who wore makeup even though we weren't allowed to.
and then she walked in the room.

her hair was loosely curled and strawberry blonde, with too much volume so she looked like she was wearing a wig. her eyes were brown and she was wearing pink eyeshadow and lip balm, but she wasn't petite and skinny. she was curvy and tall. she was wearing a red plaid shirt with a white denim skirt and cowboy boots.

i looked around at the class, everyone sniggering at her. there were no empty seats except for my table, where everyone decided they didn't want to be near.

"everyone say hello to our newest classmate, trixie firkus."
she looked scared. "hello."

to make things worse, her country accent was super thick. i grew up in boston until the year before, but my accent had evolved miles. i sounded like i was meant to be in west hollywood, but clearly she just got off the horse from milwaukee.

"trixie, honey, go sit next to katya on that table."
and she did.

i still didn't speak to her. even though all i wanted to do was compliment her and tell her i thought she was beautiful.

-
i was wrong about miracles.

now i look at trixie, and i believe.
miracles are real.

—
word count: 731
oof bad confusing chapter but fluffy
these are just memories i guess?? idk ajjdjs
thanks for reading leave comments ily bye