I've Always Been Around (Camren)

Chapter 18: Nirvana

*Lauren's P.O.V*

I threw my backpack on the floor immediately after crossing through the threshold to my house.

"Lauren?" My mom called from the living room.

"What?" I groaned, "I just got back from talking to that horrible Dr. Burg and quite frankly I'm not in the mood for 'family time'."

She smiled sadly, "Sorry your appointment didn't go to well.  I just was going to tell you that Camila was here earlier, she dropped something off in your room."  I felt all the color drain from my face.  "How is Mila? I haven't seen her around recently."

I ignored my mother, running up the stair and bursting into my bedroom.  I rummaged through all the papers on my desk, desperately searching for signs of Camila.  My gaze dropped to my bed.  My black 'Nirvana' tee with a folded not on top sat neatly on my pillow.

I sat down next to it and with trembling hands I picked up the note.  My breathe became heavy as I began to read Camila's beautiful, flowing handwriting.

"Lauren,

On a Thursday morning, 2 weeks ago, you left this shirt at my house.  Thrown across the room in a fit of drunken anger and passion.  I don't know what you know or what you remember but that isn't what is important to me.  What's important to me is although you were drunk, my first time was with the one person I am most comfortable with in the world, so thank you for that.  Thank you for saving the heartbreak of regretting the first person I ever let to touch my body in that way.  You did however sprout a different kind of heartbreak.  The kind that breaks every time I see you due to the idea that we may never be that way again.  I'm getting ahead of myself here, I know, but I love you Lauren.  I really fucking love you.

I think the irony in the shirt you wore that night is evident.  The true meaning of Nirvana Lauren, all band references aside, Nirvana means a place of perfect peace and happiness, like heaven.  I seem to only feel this way, perfect happiness that is, when I'm with you.  In your arms, being showered with your kisses.  That night you truly did take me to Nirvana.

Love,

Your Best Friend Forever,

Karla Camila Cabello."

Her damn words get me every time.  I choked back tears as I open my phone to text Camila quickly.  I need to see her.  I need to tell her I love her.  I need her.

TO: Camz<3

Hey where are you?

Her reply came quickly after.

FROM: Camz<3

The beach, why?

TO: Camz<3

Don't move.  I'll be there in 5.

I replied quickly.

I threw the Nirvana shirt over my head and ran down the stairs.

"Lauren! Where are you going?" My mom called after me, as I ran down the hall towards the front door.

"I have to go tell her I love her." I yelled as I ran out the door into the bright Miami sun.  When I looked over my shoulder my mother was standing in the doorway with a big smile on her face.  With all the adrenalin I had I didn't even think about driving to the beach, I just ran.

Suddenly realization hit me.  The beach.  She's at the beach.  When we were little we found a small secluded part of the beach and every time one of us was upset we would meet there.  We haven't been there in at least 3 years, growing up got in the way of our place I felt so nostalgic towards.  I knew that's where she was bound to be.

I kicked off my flip flops in the grass and ran through the sand.  When I rounded a corner, a familiar small figure sat near the edge of the water, her toes buried deep in the sand.  Her hair was up in a pony tail which was out of the ordinary.  The curly pony tail lay over one shoulder as she stared out onto the horizon.

"Karla!" I screamed, nearing her.

She turned to face me, her nose crinkled a little like it always did whenever she was called by her first name.  The setting sun illuminated her features, she was so beautiful.  A sad smile spread across her face the closer I got.  I was finally close enough that I could see a tint red in her eyes, indicating she was once crying but had stopped by the time I got here.

I sat next to her in the sand and uncomfortably ran my fingers through my hair.  "Hi." I mumbled.

"Hey." she responded in the same tone.

"It's been a while, huh?" I said with a small smile.

Camila nodded sadly, "Two weeks." She looked down and played with the sand for a moment.  "It's been two weeks and a day since you ran out of my bedroom."

I placed my hand over hers. "I'm sorry, Camz.  For everything."

She shook her head, "No, you got my note, don't be sorry.  I'm glad it was you."

I couldn't help but smirk.  "I'm not just sorry about being drunk that night.  I'm sorry I couldn't make it special.  I'm sorry about all the times I've showed up unannounced, springing myself at you.  I'm sorry about all the times I've acted on impulse and hurt you." I sighed, "I'm just sorry for being a shitty best friend."

Camila looked me in the eye, her copper colored irises sparkling off the sun.  She intertwined our fingers and held my hand tightly.  "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, Laur.  You were figuring yourself out and if I'm the one who needed to be there for you to figure out where your true feelings lie, I'm happy I could do that for you."

"Camila you don't get it." I said shaking my head, "The reason I acted that way all those times," I hesitated, making sure she was still looking at me.  "I acted that way because deep down that's what I've always wanted.  I was just too oblivious to my own emotions to realize that I do, in fact, love you." I squeezed her hand tighter.

"I love you too." she breathed.

"I can't believe it took this long for me to notice it, for me to tell you." I recalled, thinking about the previous events of Camila and I.  I laid back, pulling her down with me.  Her head was laying on my chest and my arm was around her.  She draped one of her arms over my abdomen, clinging to my shirt.

She looked up at me and smiled, " You're the most beautiful girl in the world." She whispered.

"Where have you been all my life?" I asked, smiling back at her.

I felt her shrug against my body, "I've always been around, Lauren."

I placed a kiss on the top of her head, before laying back again.  "So Nirvana, is that right?" I said jokingly, referring to her note.

"Yes, Lauren.  You took me to Nirvana." She whispered, playing with the word written over my shirt.

"Nirvana." I whispered to myself, finally closing the gap between our lips and kissing my best friend who has always seemed to be a little more than that.

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See what I did there?  With the title of this fic?  Hahah sorry I felt clever.

I WILL in fact write a sequel so keep this in your library because I will post on here when the sequel is up. (:

Thank you so much for reading!