New Beginning

"Old and Open wounds"- chapter 1

It was early June in Velaris; Elain was sitting in her usual chair near the fireplace; she couldn't go to the garden, not today. She couldn't do anything today. Not even garden could take her mind off today's date. Exactly two years ago on this day she and Graysen went to the healer. One month after their engagement Elain got pregnant. She was so shocked and scared when healer told her that; she didn't really consider the possibility of becoming a mother so soon after her engagement. She had no idea how she is going to do this. Especially since her own mother was not the best example of what mother should be like. But maybe it is better this way to have a bad example of a mother so that Elain could be, would be better than her mother was to her and her sisters. That thought sparked something in her, even if this baby was not expected. Yes.. Maybe it was a sign of a new beginning with the man she loves. Graysen. Right. He was here too. Elain didn't even look at him until now, forgot that he was there. It seemed that the healer left the room giving them the privacy. His face was full of different emotions when she looked at him so scared of his reaction. But when he looked at her, it was happiness, pure happiness all over his face. And all her doubts and worries disappeared when he embraced her. It was the happiest day of his life he told her. It was hers too.

Two years ago she got pregnant. Two months after, the Cauldron Happened. She remembered that night, every second of it. She still dreams of it every night. She knew the precise second when she lost the baby. And that feeling and memory will never fade, even if she will live for thousand years. That day, it wasn't just her mortal life that was taken away from her. It was also her baby. Maybe that's why Nesta managed to take something from the cauldron because it took something from Elain. Someone, nobody else knows about, except form Nesta and of course Graysen. The way he looked at her when he saw her new body.. Like, Elain was everything he despises, like it was her fault. That happiness was taken from both of them, and he blamed her for that. He screamed at her. He shouted to take the ring off. She didn't. Couldn't. Couldn't let go of that yet. He was just as heartbroken as she was. Everyone around seemed to think that it was only about her transformation. She knew better, saw it in his eyes. That didn't justify how he treated her. No, when he yelled at her like that she could barely hear him. Elain felt broken so, so broken that she could not hear or think straight. She couldn't remember what happened after the conversation with Graysen. Those weeks were like a blur, a mist of nothing. She remembers unclear visions, but that's all. She was drowning in her emotions; anger but most of all sadness and grief. And then the war was around her; she hated every second of this new life. She hated this new body of hers.

Sitting in the chair, listening to the fire she could not help but think that this day is a reminder of that new beginning she was supposed to have and the one she got instead. It will take a long time for her to heal. Right now it's an open wound, one day hopefully it will only be a scar.

She looked through the window where the jasmine bushes were blooming. Jasmine, that was supposed to be their baby girls name. He said that it was because Elain love flowers and Jasmines were the first flowers she received from him. It symbolized their love for each other. They haven't been able to agree on the boy's name, and they kept on fighting about it.

She could not look through that damn window now. She needed to get away. Somewhere far. She stood up and realized that she doesn't know where to go. And with that thought, Azriel appeared in front of her. Was he in this room the whole time?

"How are you feeling?" He asked, his face looked concerned and.. It had that other look. That one he always had when he looked at her, it was hard to describe; somewhere between pain, sadness, regret and maybe even hope. Azriel was always kind to her; he was a friend. And he has perfect timing to show up.

Even when she didn't want to see her sisters, Azriel was different. They could sit hours in silence, and she wouldn't mind his presence. His present always made her feel warmer, somehow relieved.

She looked him in the eyes and felt like he could read every emotion in her like in an open book. But that didn't make her feel uncomfortable, no it was opposite of that. She still didn't understand her feelings around the shadowsinger, so she merely said: "Can you take me away from here?" Without a word, she felt his arms around her, just when darkness surrounded them.