New Beginning

"At the edge of the cliff"- chapter 3

After that night Azriel took Elain to the field of wildflowers a few more times. They spent time chatting about their past. He told her stories about the Illyrians, and she told him stories about her human life.

He listened, even seem to enjoy their time together. She knew that the shadowsinger was probably nice to her because Feyre asked him to babysit her. But she didn't even care most of the time, why he was with her. She liked spending time with him. It felt good to share her past and not be on a constant edge of agony. Everything was well, or at least as well as it could be.

It has been a month from their encounter and Elain felt better.
Until tonight.

She dreamed of her life ass a human every night. When she didn't, she saw visions, of blood and war. A Seer. That what she was. She hated it. How could someone like her see someone else's future when she had absolutely no idea about her own.

Again the thought of her lost baby hit her. Tonight's vision was awful. She saw a man that she didn't know, bleeding out to death, slowly.
She hated it, hated the life she lost, the new broken version of herself. She hated that she was useless and scared and so pathetic.

She was a burden to everyone; a burden to Ferye and her new family, a burden to Azriel. A burden to Lucien even, he was her mate. Mate. He expects things from her, things that she can never give him. She was darkness in this new life of joy. She was nothing else but a burden to her loved ones.

Without even knowing what she was doing she was walking. The night was cold, and she wore nothing more than a thin nightgown, with a lightweight sweater and slippers.

She knew that it was probably not a good idea, to go to the woods alone at night. But she did not care. She could not go to Velaris, see people laughing it was too depressing. How could she envy someone else's happiness? Elain felt so selfish.

She could hear wolfs somewhere far away howling. That was when she came to the cliff of the rock.
Far below the waves were hitting a shore. There was an endless sea or was it a large lake. Elain couldn't tell. It was as beautiful, as a view from a fairytale. In other circumstances, she would have felt like a person from a fairytale too, if not for the third vision that day, that felt all too real.

She fell to her knees and began weeping. It was a woman this time holding a dead child in her arms, chaos, and blood all around them.

She came back from her vision with a gasp. She was still weeping. It felt so helpless to see those images and being able to do nothing about it.
She knew deep down that she could never be happy again. Not in this body. She didn't want to continue this; she was so unhappy. So, so, so miserable, and she was making it harder for others too. Yes, she was a burden.
A burden. That word kept on ringing in her head.

What she would do next would not make her selfish. No. Ferye will understand. Maybe she will be sad at first, but she will understand. And Nesta... She didn't think Nesta would care anyway. Everyone will be better without her. The thoughts were swimming in her head, and she knew what she had to do next.
And so with that, she jumped.
She felt the wind on her face, the coldness of it, but she no longer cared. She felt relief; this will finally be over. Over. Over.

She was crying, although she did not know why.
When Elain was so close to the water, she felt warm and strong arms around her. And suddenly instead of falling she was flying up, and up, and up.