Emerald Storm [Loki]

Chapter thirty-one: I can't love you.

Standing two miles just outside of Miami in a private parking lot, Loki and I had just finished a mission and were waiting for Steve to come pick us up.

Since that trip to Scotland a few weeks ago, there had been a significant amount of tension between us as I came to realise my true feelings for him.

I care about him a great deal and would never want to hurt him, I'm just not in love with him. I hate to admit it but I feel like it may not just be Loki, maybe I lack that ability to actually love anyone more than-

'Penny for your thoughts?' Loki leaned over with a soft smile on his face. 'I can practically feel your stress my dear.'

'I was just thinking.' I shrugged.

'About what? I thought the mission a success-'

'I'm not thinking about the mission Loki. Just... life.' I lied.

'Ah right.' Loki chuckled. 'For a moment there you had me worried.'

Bless him. How the hell am I gonna do this? Do I do this here? Do I drag it out and do it at home?

Surely not sharing my feelings with him would just be selfish? Holding him in a loveless relationship simply because I don't have the courage to tell him something. That just doesn't seem fair.

These past few weeks I had been realised things (and not because Peter and Shuri have been quoting Kylie Jenner.) As Wanda and Vision proved they'd be willing to ditch the team and disregard safety to be together, As Clint hid Laura and the kids away on a safe farm because he wanted to protect them. As Tony stopped going on so many missions to stay home and take care of Pepper and their unborn baby.

As the team continued to show of their love for their significant others, I realised that it just ain't there for me and Loki.

As Wanda and Vision curled up on the couch reading a book together while Vis played with her hair and whispered I love you, Loki sat in the library by himself and used his magic to keep everybody out, including me. Stating 'I need time to reclaim my thoughts so I can be prepared for our next outing.'

That's reminds me, instead of calling them "dates" he's been calling them 'outings.'  Doesn't that just seem a title casual for someone who claims they love you? I don't know.

Loki would also rather annoy Thor than spend time with me. When I asked if he'd like to go with me to Paris for a mission and a bit of a weekend away, he declined because he wanted to see how Thor would react to turning Mjiolnir into a pencil. Or a pen. Either way, Tony still couldn't lift it.

I looked over at Loki and saw him on his phone. The worst thing Tony could have done is introduce Loki to modern day technology. The guy is obsessed with candy crush. He's spend hours on it.

'Loki?'

Nothing.

'Loki?'

Silence.

'Loki?'

'Mhmm?'

All or nothing Kat, all or nothing.

'Loki?' This time I put my hand on his and he actually took his eyes away from the screen.

'Yes sweetheart?' He raised a brow and put his phone in his pocket giving me his full attention. I sat down on the curb and he followed me.

'I've been thinking.'

With a wink he sarcastically replied. 'That's never good.'

'It appears not.' I rolled my eyes and he laughed. 'Anyway, I've been thinking about...us. Me and you. Our relationship if you will and I think that it's going well. I care about you a lot, I think that-'

'Sorry can I just stop you for a second.' Loki interjected. He cleared his throat and paused for a moment, a look of confidence on his playful features. 'I think I know what you're going to say.'

What? How? 'Really?' I asked hopefully.

'Yes!' He happily took my hands in his and my face fell, he has know idea what I'm thinking. 'Kat, I told you weeks ago that I loved you and when you didn't say it back I knew and understood that you would need some time. I definitely didn't think you'd need this long but that's alright.'

'Loki stop.'

He tensed up, he had misread the situation. 'Why? What's wrong?'

I pushed my hair out of my face and nervously toyed with my rings and bracelets. 'Loks, I don't think this is going to work between us-'

'But you just said it works?'

'I know and it did. At the beginning. As time has gone on I've realised that I don't think I could make you as happy as you make me. You tell me almost everyday that you love me and I can't even say it once. You treat me so well and I know that you'll make someone a fantastic husband one day but...that someone won't be me.'

His face was emotionless, unreadable. I shut my powers of so I wasn't able to listen to his thoughts right now, mainly because I had a feeling they wouldn't be very nice. He's probably cursing me.

He opened his mouth to say something and just as I thought he'd lash out at me, he paused. His hand landed on my shoulder and he gave me a half, sad smile. 'We all have our demons Kat. Don't shut yourself off from love, you'll get there one day.'

Moments later Steve pulled up in a black car and Loki got in the front. After I gathered my thoughts I opened the back door and sat behind Loki.

Steve turned to face me from the drivers seat. 'Ooph, you look worn out. Forget training tonight, kid. You need a rest.'