Being with me

What is happening to me..?

Kokichi walked along the sidewalk, a grocery bag filled with nothing but booze in his hand. He was used to it, it was one of the only purposes he had in his shithole of a home. The second purpose being his mother's mental punching bag.

"I'm home." He said in a monotone voice as he brought the bag over to his soon to be knocked out step father. "Is this what you plan to do with your life?" Kokichi then asked, testing his own strength just this once. "Excuse me?!" His step father replied. "I'm surprised you even heard me, considering this is what? Your 4th bottle?" Kokichi continued, his tone turning mocking. His step father growled. "The fuck *hic* is with this talk?! Acting you're all high and mighty all the sudden?! What happened to you being a good kid?!" He snapped. "A good kid? You always insulted me and found ways to yell at me even when I cowered to you in fear. It's tiring and sickening." Kokichi continued. When his step father was about to raise a fist, Kokichi ran for it, going to his room. A grin formed on his face before he abruptly stopped and looked at his hand, making sure it wasn't ball jointed. What gotten over him? Was he becoming what he wanted? Is this Leader's influence?

His though process was ended when he heard his mother's voice. "Kokichi! What the hell did you do?!" She practically screamed and he turned around. He took a deep breath. "Asking a question." He simply replied. Another hint of surprise in his voice, how is he not stuttering? "Asking a question?! It sure as hell sounds like you did more than just that! What the hell is the matter with you! You've been acting all weird since you got back from that stupid game! And here I thought I was going to get some peace!" She yelled. "So you really wouldn't care." Kokichi stated. His mother raised an eyebrow. "You really wouldn't care or even be a little sad if I died? I never really told you what it was, did I? But it's not like it matters, all you need to know is that I could've died in that game and you wouldn't even know it. And even if I did die, you wouldn't mourn me, would you?" Kokichi elaborated, his voice and face serious. It all seemed so out of character for him. Unless he's supposed to be this way this entire time. His mother opened but then closed her mouth. Kokichi sighed.
"It's okay, I died unloved and unappreciated in one story so I won't be surprised if I died the same way in this one." Kokichi added, he found sadness coming back to him when a certain reality hit him.

He was expecting her to get angry but instead she stood there in shock. "Is that how you truly feel..?" She suddenly asked. "Of course it is. You pressure me into being perfect yet you don't even bother to look at my grades unless I got one C, then you go off. You go off at every little thing I do that isn't to your liking. Right now, I talked back to him and you're scolding me even though it's pretty obvious that he not only makes me miserable but you miserable too." Kokichi answered. "Kokichi—" "I'm going to my room, goodnight." Kokichi shut her off and went into his room, walking slowly.

When he entered his room, he saw Leader siting on his bed. Kokichi's eyes widened and he slammed his door closed and leaned his back against it. "Leader! The hell are you doing?!" He asked in a panicked yet hushed whisper. "Listening, duh!" Leader replied with a carefree smile. "They can literally walk in and see you any minute!" Kokichi scolded. Leader clapped his hands. "Aw but I'm so proud of you~" Leader teased. "Please go back to your case." Kokichi pleaded. Leader then gave him a serious stare.

"Are you really that afraid of them seeing me?" He asked. "Of course I am! They're unpredictable!" Kokichi replied in panic. "Kokichi, Who are you talking to?" Kokichi heard his mother ask. Her voice was near the door. "Fuck.." Kokichi murmured under his breath as he looked down. He heard footsteps go closer to his door and he looked up. Luckily, Leader was going inside of his case. Kokichi quickly ran and shut the case, hearing a yelp from Leader. "Forgive me.." he whispered as he quickly kicked the case under the bed. He hoped that he didn't damage Leader, he already had that weird crack on his cheek.

Kokichi's mom walked in. "Were you talking to yourself?" She asked while squinting her eyes. Kokichi tried to think to himself as he darted his eyes around, wanting to avoid looking at either his mother or his bed. "Y..Yeah.." he answered sheepishly. "What happened to you?" She then asked. "W-what do you mean?" Kokichi asked, his voice turning panicked. "Maybe it really is me." She said to herself, for once she sounded guilty. Kokichi felt his eyes widen. "Do you want to tell me anything?" She then asked. "I have nothing to tell you.." Kokichi replied softly as he looked away.

He then felt a pair of arms wrap around him. "You don't need to lie." His mother simply said. Her voice sounding like a loving mother for once. Kokichi remained silent, not knowing how to feel. "You've never cried in front of me, you never told me how you felt so I was never able to say anything to you. Its not like I was any better, all I did was take my anger out on you." His mother continued. All Kokichi could do is hear Leader's words from the first time he came here. "I.. want to be strong.. and I want to be loved.." Kokichi managed to say through some reluctant hiccups. He still didn't want to cry, he couldn't. He still wanted to be strong.

"You are strong, for putting up with us and everything else. Do you really think I believed you when you said you tripped?" She said to him. "W-what the hell..?" Kokichi began then he took a deep breath. "You knew.. knew I was lying yet you still insulted me anyway?! What kind of logic was running through your head?!" Kokichi snapped as he ripped himself away from his mother. "I said you were useless because you were useless at telling the truth!" His mother responded. "So what?! Your words were still harmful!" Kokichi continued. Kokichi started to clench his fists. He couldn't believe what was happening, both with his mother and himself. Why was he acting like this?! She was finally showing him love and remorse yet he was snapping at her. He then looked at her.

"I-I'm sorry.. p-please don't be mad.." He then said through shaky pleading. He felt that bravery sapping away. It only made sense, his common sense was coming back to him. "I'm not angry.. I'll just go." She replied and walked away. She closed the door behind her. Kokichi sank down and put his face in his hands.

"What is happening to me..?" He asked himself.