Crystal Mist

Chapter 1: Her Last Words

Chevelle POV

Marriage, kids, all that... who even fucking invented them?

Growing up, I never really had a stable idea of marriage. My early childhood memories consists of my parents bickering over bunch of trivial stuff or them scolding me quite badly. It was in my teens that they finally decided to finally get out of each other's lives, leaving my father gambling and my mother whoring.

It's fine, they say. It's okay, they say.

"Wag mo isipin na magkakabalikan pa kami ng tatay mo. Sasabihin ko na sa'yo ngayon, wala na talaga.'' my mother quipped to me when I was barely 15.

Fucking hell. As if I wished for you two to get back together anyway? When they separated, I felt nothing but numbness. It's something like I felt like I was already anticipating. It wasn't something that actually surprised me, honestly. In all actuality, I think it is actually better that way.

Less bickering in the house. Less noise. No fucking drama. More (well, a little bit) allowance.

Ah, money. It's something that has always been an issue as well. My mother have always been picking on my father for not being able to finish a university degree while she's an established teacher. My dad well, is quite the manchild. I remember him doing trivial jobs for a living such as being a security job or as a waiter.

Their problems have been solely been on money and some bits about their attitude. Mainly though, money. My mother would always get upset when my father sends more money to his mother and siblings, she insists that he doesn't think that he already has his own family, which is us three. It was actually pretty reasonable. I took on more of my mother's side, especially since her relatives have been particularly good in making me remember it.

"Yung tatay mo naman kasi, bakit ganyan diba. Di na niya nalang iniisip nandyan kayo ng Mama mo. Padala ng padala sa nanay niya." says my Tita Arlyn.

Well, as if she could talk. Tita Arlyn, her three kids and her husband all still live in my grandparents' house. All of my grandparents' children does, actually. My mother, Tita Arlyn (with her family) and their younger brother, Tito John (with his family as well). Only my grandmother is alive and along with my mother, they pay for monthly bills since Tita Arlyn and Tito John don't have enough money just with the amount they spend on their friggin kids.

The situation is well, the same with my father's. He now lives with his parents and all of his siblings (and their families) still live there. The only thing though is, my father's other four siblings are all unemployed and they still have the guts to have kids yearly. My paternal grandparents' house is much smaller than the house I live in (my maternal grandparents' house) so I don't understand how my father's siblings have the audacity to do that. Do they not fucking know how to use pills? Condoms? Pull-out method?

But, great! How, nice, all the families together in one fucking house! Sobrang Pilipino diba, lagi magkakasama lagi ang pamilya. Just, wow! Ang saya-saya. One big happy family, sabi nga nila, diba.

Fuck that bullshit. Tayong mga Pilipino, we always find the way to justify the seemingly unpleasant things in life, no? Ang totoong reason kung bakit ang daming mga pamilya sa Pilipinas sa iisang bahay parin kasama ang kanilang mga kapatid at magulang is because of financial incapability. They don't have money to buy a new house or to sustain everyday needs without relying on relatives, as simple as that!

Kaya naman...

I lit up my last cigar butt for a while, just to get some fire burning in me. Nakaka-stress naman masyado ang naiisip ko. It's the right time to just contemplate about by life, though. It's going to be my last anyway. All this suffering will end and soon, I will fall into a deep, deep sleep.