Dan and Phil One shots

4) Phan: Reunited

Dan couldn't put into words the pain and longing he still felt for Phil. Even though they only dated for a short time, and not to mention that was a few months ago, Phil deeply impacted Dan's life. For once he was finally happy, and he let his guard down. He didn't know he could get hurt this badly, but here he was, still hung up over Phil. Dan was even writing stupid poetry about Phil, listening to depressing music, and constantly being reminded of him. He just couldn't let go of Phil.

After they broke up, Phil stopped sending good morning and goodnight texts. He didn't know how much that hurt Dan, though. He could never know. As bad as he was for Dan, as awful as he treated him, he didn't really do anything wrong in Dan's eyes. To Dan, Phil was his everything, his hope in a sea of darkness, emptiness, and depression. He was the one who could finally get through to Dan, not break him down. Dan was too vulnerable, and that was his mistake. He let himself get too close to the fire.

After breaking up, Dan never saw Phil again. He suddenly disappeared from his life completely, and that absolutely shattered Dan's heart. He missed Phil's laughs, or the way his eyes used to light up when he talked to him, or even how adorable and genuine his smile was. He loved doing that to Phil, he loved bringing joy to him. And now he couldn't do that anymore. Which was why he couldn't bring himself to go to Phil's book signing. He was happy for him, but he didn't think he could handle seeing Phil again, letting that whole flood of emotions suddenly come back. Despite his feelings and how badly Dan wanted to be happy and in love with Phil again, he knew he was no good for him. And what little they had wasn't good either, it was all just temporary.

Dan found himself looking at the ground of the bookstore on a cold February day. He managed to force himself to go to Phil's book signing, but he couldn't bring himself to actually go inside. He wasn't ready to see Phil again. What would he even say? "Hey, remember me? I'm your ex. Nice book you got there. Mind writing me a lil note? Thank you, see you never!" God no. Dan turned around shaking his head, the snow crunching beneath his feet. Phil used to always love that sound.

And as Dan's black Converse left a trail of footprints long gone behind him, Phil called out his name. "Dan! DAN!" he shouted. Dan thought he was dreaming. There was no way Phil Lester was actually talking to him after all this time. Dan turned once more to see Phil running towards him. God how much he longed to run up to him, pick him up, and tightly wrap his arms around him in a warm embrace. Phil always gave the best hugs.

"Oh, hey Phil. Erm, how've you been?" Dan was awkward, but he wanted to get this over with, so he tried his best at making simple conversation. Despite how brutally painful it was for his heart to see Phil again. He couldn't stand how hot Phil looked with the snow falling delicately on his eyelashes, it accentuating his freckles. Or the beanie making his new, extremely good-looking haircut stand out.

"I'm actually doing a book signing right now. Well, I'm supposed to be, haha," Phil smiled kindly at Dan, just like he used to when Dan would come home. "Anyway, I saw you walking outside the bookstore, and I figured I'd invite you to join me. I'm really proud of my new book!"

"That's amazing, Phil!" Dan tried his hardest to sound enthusiastic, but Phil knew Dan too well, and he automatically saw through his facade. But to make things less awkward, less tense space between them, Phil ignored it. "I'd love to honestly, but I really have to go. I've got to get to work soon." Phil tried his hardest not to roll his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, that's totally cool. Well, just stop by or check out my book whenever you get the chance. It'd mean a lot."

"Yeah, I definitely will." As Dan walked away, Phil couldn't resist. He suddenly felt a very strong urge to grab Dan's hand, spin him around and kiss him. He missed all their good times together. He couldn't be friends with Dan, so boyfriends would have to do. Because he couldn't stand to not be around Dan another minute.

"Dan! Wait! Please. I...I still love you." Dan froze in his tracks. He never thought he'd hear those words again. Never. Not even in his wildest dreams. He hesitated. He didn't want to get hurt again, he didn't think he could bear it. But every part, every fiber of his body was screaming at him to kiss Phil.

But he just couldn't do it. At this point, Phil was sobbing, his voice filled with regret. Tears streamed down his face as he put his head in his hands. Dan hated to leave Phil like this, but he just couldn't do it all over again. It was just too much for him. He wanted to be happy, but he couldn't let himself be happy. He was self-destructive, and needed to make himself hurt as much as possible. So this was the only option. Dan knew he was hurting Phil, which only made him hurt more. So he walked away. "I'm sorry, Phil. Goodbye."

"Dan...please. I'm sorry," Phil begged, his voice breaking. Dan shook his head and walked away. This was the best for both of them. Dan was in misery, putting himself in the worst, most excruciating and painful situation, and as a result, he wouldn't get close to Phil. Because in reality, it was never about hurting himself. Dan didn't care, he always set himself up for pain. But it was hurting the ones he cared about. It was about hurting Phil. So he couldn't bear to watch them go through it all again because he knew Phil would just end up miserable and stuck in their relationship again. Nothing is meant to last anyway.