Love is everything

Talk {7}

After the talk with my mom, I was even more confused. Somehow, she gave me permission, not directly, but still she didn't forbid me seeing her. I just decide to get up from the bed, I need to distract myself. It's been two fucking days since I last saw her and I'm getting crazy, she doesn't leave my mind and even if my father has gotten me busy with random jobs she still crawls somehow into my mind. I'm getting tired of it and I'm getting tired of myself.

I got to the beach and as I was walking to my spot, I see her. She's sitting there looking at the sea. She seems a bit lonely and confused. I wonder if something happened to her. I continue watching her as I see her standing up with her eyes still locked in the sea.

Maybe she also likes seeing the sea at night; I smile as I think about it. The sea at night, it's so relaxing, there's no distractions on it, only the sound of the waves and your own thoughts; it's the best way to just dive on your mind and also, somehow, escaping from everything that worries you, at least, to me.

I see her turn around and even at this distance I can see that she is surprised to see me as much as I am. She starts to approach me and I have to stop myself to also approach her, I'm tempted, but I know that if I start to move I'm going to do something that I would regret. She has her eyes locked on me as she approaches me; somehow, her eyes tell me that she's scared that I will disappear suddenly.

I smile at that thought crosses my mind and she returns it, I know that I want to leave, I should, but I can't, my body will not move. No, my heart won't let my body move. I sigh as I know, I know what is this feeling, even if it shouldn't happen I know what it's this feeling and I'm scared, really scared as never before in my life.

"Hey." She says so low that if not because of my good hearing I would have lost it. She seemed to notice that she said it to low and even as she tried to say something else, she couldn't.

"Hey." I say, smiling even more, trying to comfort her and telling her that I heard her. "Why are you here?" As I say this I could see a wave of anger cross her face. I ask myself what did I do to make her so angry when I got what I just said, she must have misunderstood me. I was going to explain that I didn't mean it that way, but she beats me to it.

"What? Can't I be here?" She sounded really pissed. I got a little scared of her when I heard her, and then I questioned myself how the hell was that possible when I've been in scarier situations. I try to smile as I try to save the situation.

"Sorry, that may have sounded a little..." I don't know how to continue. I was asking myself what should I say without seeming too stupid when she beats me to it, again, but this time helping me to finish my sentence.

"Bad?"

"Yeah." I said as I chuckle, thankfully she doesn't seems angry at me anymore. "I didn't mean anything bad. I'm just surprised to see you here. I didn't expect it." She was looking at my eyes with so much intensity. Her gaze always gets me crazy, it's like if she could see my soul, I chuckled internally at my own joke and I arch an eyebrow. Trying to question her why is she looking at me that way, trying to figure out if she also may be interested in me on the same way as I am, not that it matters...

"I was looking for you." She says breaking my thoughts. I almost jump out when I heard her, asking myself if I really heard her say that or it was just my imagination playing with me. However, when I look at her eyes, I see that I didn't imagine it. She said it. "I ah-" She tried to say something, she seemed embarrassed. I looked at her as she raised her right hand and putted it behind her neck, she's so cute, she's blushing a little and I just want to... Damn it, I shouldn't have these feelings, but I just cannot avoid it in the same way I just cannot avoid the big smile forming on my face.

"I also wanted to see you." I blurt out before catching myself, but it was already out so I'll just go with it like if it was planned and I was some kind of womanizer. "I," Damn, it's easier to say than to do, I'll just say whatever I have in mind. "I didn't know if I was going to see you again." She looked shocked, I asked myself why. I didn't get it. I looked for an answer on her and when I realize where I messed it up I try to fix it.

"I had to leave." I sighed. "My parents don't want me to be here." I say, remembering that it isn't entirely true. My mom knows and even if she's worried, she seemed to not have any problem with me being here. Who doesn't know it's my father and I don't even want to know what would he do if he knew. I tried to smile before continuing. "And I had to leave because I had business to attend." I avoided her piercing gaze when I lied. I didn't entirely lie to her, but not saying anything, it's also considered lying. "I'm sorry that I had to leave." I say as I look at her eyes again. She seemed a little relieved, somehow. I see her sigh and I wonder what's going through her mind. I really want to know...

"It's okay." She says, interrupting my thoughts. "It seems that you had no other choice, but to leave." She says so nonchalantly that I'm a bit hurt. I really had to leave, not because I wanted. If I could... I would be with her. I sigh and try to compose myself.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Alice." I say smiling and she reciprocates the smile, making me smile even more if possible. I'm really happy seeing her smile, it makes my stomach do flips.

"So, are you going to leave again?" She asks with a frown on her face. The question got me by surprise. I mean, yes. I had planned to leave after gazing all night to the sea, but now. Now, I'm not sure, I don't want to leave, I want to be at her side, but then again. I have no right to. I groan at my last thought and I see her frown grew even more.

"No." I say startling both of us at my outburst. I ask myself if I just said that. Tell me that I didn't just say that I won't leave. I groan, internally this time, so that she won't worry at my complicated thoughts. "I-" However, before I can finish she interrupts me.

"Really?" She says with sparkling eyes. I just fucked it up. I started to sweat as I realize in what situation I got myself into.