Love is everything

Feelings {13}

*Sam's POV*

I cannot stop it, I have feelings for Alice, I love her. I love her beautiful hazel brown eyes, the way she looks at me gets me crazy, her eyes express so many emotions, her beautiful brown hair waving as the air rides it, the way she smiles, the light in her eyes when she looks at me. All of this drive me insane, all of her drives me insane. And then I remember, I remember that I cannot be with her. That my love, it's not allowed, that our love, it's not allowed. That if I try to be with her we'll get hurt, I'll get hurt, and that's scares me.

Scared of these feelings that torments me every day. As soon as I wake up the first thing that comes to my mind, it's her, her face, her looks, her smile. All of her consumes me every second of my life, since I met her. I cannot get her out of my mind, she invades me in a way I never thought possible. I need to make a decision soon, no matter how hard. I need to start doing something, avoid her or be with her. Whichever I choose, I will get hurt, she will get hurt. Now I just need to think which  solution is the best. What I want is to be with her, wake up at her side, sleep at her side. As such thoughts crosses my mind, I remember what happened earlier.

*Flashback*

I was thinking about Alice when I see a guy looking lustfully at my girl. And then I realize, I realize what I just though as I start getting close to Alice and I see the panic in her face. I stood right in front of her, but she doesn't see me. She's scared looking at the guy trying to run away from him. She crashes against me, and apologizes immediately as she tries to step back. However, I don't let her, I push her against me surrounding her with my arm around her waist, protectively.

I look at the guy imagining how it would be to tear him apart. I don't avoid my eyes of him and he starts to shudder at my gaze, smart guy. I see him run away and I close my eyes trying to calm myself as I sigh. Once I'm calmer I open my eyes and what greets me are her eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes that swallow me inside her. I tell myself to snap out of it as I take a step back from her, regretting it. I miss her body against me, her heat. We still have our eyes locked on each other, and I smile as I see her in her own world.

"Sorry." I say as I remember that I crashed against her and taked advantage of the situation making her closer to me. And regretting it, I shouldn't have taken advantage, not when I have this unclear thoughts on my mind, not when I'm just making things harder for me, for her...

"Why are you apologizing?" I heard her ask as a beautiful frown forms on her face. Damn it, how can a frown be so beautiful? Wait, why is she frowning. "Wait, why are you here?" Oh, oh, I'm in deep shit. I didn't think about that. As soon as I saw that guy I was so mad that I didn't think twice. "I thought you were taking care of something." Damn it, she got me. What do I do now? What should I tell her? I cannot tell her the truth. I'm not ready, and she isn't either. I try to say something witty, but nothing comes out of my mouth. I slap myself internally, how can I not have something to say, I'm supposed to be smarter. I groan as I see that now I'm standing alone. While I zoned out she left me here. I ran behind her trying to stop her.

"Alice!" I call her as I continue running after her. She's still 'running' away from me, but luckily I'm fast and she didn't got too far, so I get to her in matter of seconds. I grab her wrist as carefully as I can and turn her to me. I need to tell her that I'm sorry. I need to see her eyes, and my wish comes true when I spin her and our eyes lock one more time. "Alice." I say faintly. She took my breath away, but I recuperate as I see her struggle from my grip. However, I don't allow it. I want, no, I need that she lets me explain myself. Even if I don't know what I'm going to say. But I know that the fist thing to do is apologize. "I'm sorry Alice." I say seriously, letting her know that I'm not kidding. "I-" I don't know how to follow. What should I say? The truth... I don't want to admit it, but I'm not ready. The truth it's too complicated.

"It doesn't matter." I hear her say, making me snap out of my thoughts. What? It doesn't matter? While I'm shocked at what she said, she freed from my grip and now it's walking away from me, again. I groan as I follow her, but this time I don't stop her I just walk by her side.

"It does." I say and I see her flinch a little, it seems that she was in the clouds, cannot blame her I've been there just a few seconds ago myself. She looks at me and I open my mouth, trying to explain, but it just come to naught. I sigh as I run my hand through my hair and I relax a little. "I didn't plan to came here. It just happened. I'm sorry, Alice." I say with seriousness, I didn't lie at her, I didn't plan it, when I knew, I was here already. She stops without avoiding my gaze, looking for something in my eyes.

"Why are you here?" She asks, and that makes me ask myself the same. Why?

"I- I wanted to see you." I say before realizing what I just say. However, as I see a smile forming on her face. I know, that right now, nothing else matters except her.

*End flashback*

After that I followed her fearful that something else could happen to her. We didn't talk in our way to her house, but I appreciate it as I had a lot of things to think about. Once at her place she invited me to her house, I tried to stop her, but she didn't accept a no. I followed her to her apartment and there we seated in an uncomfortable silence, so I tried to lighten the mood.

However, she started laughing of me, I didn't know why, I still don't know why. She said something about not expecting it, however I still don't quite get it. Then, she started to make really good questions, questions that I didn't know how to answer. I lied, I lied to her about where I am from, it's not like I don't want to tell her, but I know she will not believe me. I can make her, but she's not ready, I'm not ready to tell her the truth, it's still not the time.

She knew that I lied, and saw me uncomfortable, but let it slide and then... She asked something that I didn't expect and by her face at the time she also didn't expect it. I guess it was something said in the spur of the moment. And now here I am, at her bathroom getting ready to go to bed, to the couch, more specifically. She asked me to stay for the night.