Hey, It's Me, Karma (Manileño Series #1)

Chapter 17

Hey, It's Me, Karma

Feelings

"Huh?" Napakurap-kurap ako at hindi malaman ang sasabihin.

I was trying to find the right words to respond. No. It's not that... I was trying to find the words to avert our conversation to somewhere else but he was not letting me do that. Alam niyang gagawin ko iyon kaya sinisigurado na niya ang patutunguhan ng usapan namin.

He inched closer to me. I instinctively stepped back, my heartbeat accelerating. Huminto siya at napabuntong hininga.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

Napamaang ako at naunawaan man ang sinabi niya ay hindi ko iyon mailagay sa isipan ko.

Am I scared? I knew what was about to come when he brought the conversation up. Hindi pa man nasasabi nito ang tamang salita para mapagtanto ko ang papupuntahan, gusto ko nang takasan ang daang ito.

Does that mean I am scared?

I don't know... I just thought it was dangerous to saunter along this road. It won't be smooth sailing. All of the roads I've been so far weren't. At marahil, natatakot ako na mas mapalayo sa gusto kong patunguhan kapag pinakinggan ko ang mga salita niya.

Maybe it's just that because he's too good at it that I'm afraid I'll go along with it. That I will be willing to completely let go of the past and start a new and less complicated life.

But will I really be able to do that? There's something in me that saying, wherever I would go, it would always cling to me. No matter how I forget, it will always hold me. And even if I completely let go of it, I would always come back.

Inilingan ko siya bilang sagot at tumuwid ng tayo para tapangan ang sarili.

"No. I am not scared."

I am but I don't want to admit it to him. I don't want to deluged myself to the fears either. Sa ilang beses kong nilunod ang sarili ko sa takot habang pinagpapatuloy ang buhay, ngayon pa ba ako aatras dito? I already throw away all the hesitations just to get to my destination. I am not going to throw away what I started just because my plan strayed away from its path.

"I just... can't believe it," pagpatuloy ko sa sinabi.

"Why are so surprised? Isn't it obvious?"

Umiling ako sa kaniya.

"I never thought of that. I was just... It's just that... It's..." Bumuga ako ng hangin, iritado sa sarili habang gulong-gulo sa gustong sabihin.

Hindi siya nagsalita at hinayaan lang akong hanapin ang naglilikot na mga salita sa isipan. He stood in front of me, patient for my words but not patient enough for me. Hindi niya makayanan ang distansya naming dalawa kaya mas lalo pa siyang lumapit sa akin hanggang isang maliit na hakbang na lamang ang pagitaan sa amin. Niyuyuko niya ako habang nakapamulsa siya at malalim ang paghinga.

"Why would you even like me? You might think of me as your friend—"

Pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko sa mga ambang reklamo. His face contorted in disapproval.

"What? Think of you as my friend? Am I the only one thinking that then?"

I glared at him when he interrupted my line of thoughts. Napataas ang dalawang kilay niya dahil sa pagkamangha sa ekspresyon ko.