Hey, It's Me, Karma (Manileño Series #1)

Chapter 2

Hey, It's Me, Karma

Fear

Araw-araw kapag nagtatagpo ang mata namin ni Harika ay automatiko ang pag-iwas ko. That image was etched inside my mind. Not that I've seen so much where I cannot forget it but because I've seen very little, under the dim light that I cannot get it out of my mind.

Harika had always been outgoing and noisy among the three of us but that was a moment when she fell into silence and the only thing that can be heard was something unthinkable. I felt guilty. Not that I've witnessed them tangled up in a crime but because it was supposed to be something between them, a special moment but I was there. Kung tutuusin ay para akong chismosang kapit-bahay na nakikinig sa kabilang sigawan.

"Nilabhan mo rin itong damit ko?"

Nag-angat ang tingin ko sa boses ni Harika. Hawak niya ang pamilyar na damit, naaalala kong nalabhan ko nga iyan noong isang araw kaya tumango ako na wala sa sarili.

"Ang bigat nito. Sabi ko naman magpa-dry cleaning na lang tayo."

Hindi ako nakasagot sa sinabi niya. I was stuck, mindlessly staring at Harika thinking of the things that I was sorry for. She crossed her arms and lean on the wall. Napakurap-kurap ako at nag-iwas ng tingin.

"Minsan ko lang naman ginagawa. Kailangan kong sanayin ang sarili sa trabaho."

"Right, you are going to start working. Pero hindi ka naman maglalaba sa pagtatrabahuan mo, Eli."

I shrugged, too lazy for continuous chatter. Even when they were trying to show me that they're letting me break away and be free of anything, there were still times they can't help but get protective towards me. Pakiramdam ko ay para akong bata na bago lang natutuhan ang maglakad. They were happy that I stopped crawling and started my laggard steps but whenever I fall, they would start getting scared of the wounds I get.

Sinabi ko sa kanila kung anong nangyari sa interview. Grecia was the one who recommended me the restaurant because she knew the CEO of the company affiliated with Doozie. Though I do not have a special pass to grace through the interview. I still have to endure the tremendous anxiety and sit through the questions. Nang malaman nila ang sinapit ko ay umulan na naman ng mga paalala sa dapat kong gawin.

They were like a mother, a sister and a mentor. They've been with me even when I was out of consciousness. They sit beside my bed, waiting for someone they're not certain to be awaken. Nang magising ako ay hindi nila ako iniwan at lalo pang tinulungan. I don't know how to thank them enough. Kaya naiisip ko ngayon na kung may maliit na maibibigay ako ay ang space at privacy.

I'm giving it first to Harika because she was in the place where she needed it the most.

She has to always watch over me. Pamangkin naman kasi siya ni Tita Hannah kaya palagi siyang hinahanap kapag tungkol sa akin. Even when Grecia was more responsible than she was, Tita Hannah would sought for her.

Sumuko na si Harika sa pakikipag-usap sa akin dahil nasa mga araw na naman na hindi ako makausap nang maayos. I know that to myself, I am not oblivious of that behavior. However, there's a big difference between being oblivious and being conscious about it but not able to do something about it. It was the latter in my case.

Nang sumunod na araw, eksaktong bumisita si Grecia sa condo dahil walang gagawin. Doon ko rin sinabi ang plano kong bumukod kay Harika.

"Huh? Bakit!? May nagawa ba akong mali, Eli?"

Hinarap ni Harika ang mukha ko at inawat ako sa ginawang pagtutupi. I avoided my gaze again. Wala naman siyang napapansin sa mga kinikilos ko at marahil iniisip pa rin kung may mali nga ba siyang nagawa kaya ko napagpasyahan ito.