Hey, It's Me, Karma (Manileño Series #1)

Chapter 22

Hey, It's Me, Karma

Mine

He was looking at my eyes while he was saying those words. Doble ang sakit noon para sa akin habang binabanggit niya ang pangalan ng iba ngunit sa akin nakatitig. Like a confession he failed to pursue and he sees me as a vessel to send the words he wanted to say to her.

It was not for me. It was never me. She's never taken anything from me in the first place because I do not own anything in here. He's not mine.

But this is the first time that I wanted to be greedy to a person.

I was already thinking before that if the people from my past have given up on me, it will be fine. I would accept it with an open heart. I would not ask for more. Sapat na sa akin ang maibalik ang mga nawawalang memorya.

But with him, I wanted to be greedy. It's like he was tempting me to be one. He wanted me to demand. He wanted me to ask for more and to be emotional. He wanted me to let go all of it.

I was just so ashamed and angry at myself for being greedy but I know it won't amount to anything. Because none of it were for me. Kahit na humiling ako sa kaniya, hindi para sa akin ang tutuparin niya. Para sa kaniya parati. Siya parati.

When will he say things intended for me? Kailan ko maririnig ang pangalan mula sa labi niya?

I really am becoming too greedy.

Lumayo ako mula sa mga kasama at hindi na alintana kung may sinusundan man nila ako ng tingin. They'll probably even think I am crazy. I took the opposite direction of the hotel. Tinakbo ko ang parte kung saan walang mga tao at puro malalaking bato lamang. I hid from the largest one that I find.

Sumandal ako roon at hinabol ang hininga. I bit my lower lip. Everything that I felt came back to me like a flashback. It was overwhelming that I feel like bursting into shards. Naghabulan sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko at kahit anong pahid ko rito ay patuloy lamang ito sa pagdaragsa.

What should I do? Tumakbo ako papalayo para iwasan siya at umiyak mag-isa ngunit sa loob-loob ay gusto ko ring maramdaman ang presensya na. I was hoping he would run after me and look for me. It was shameful to admit but I wanted him to comfort me the most. I needed the assurance that it's me and he just told everyone a lie because he can't say my name.

I am just fooling myself. There's no way he would do that.

Pinatid ko iyong mas maliit na bato kumpara sa sinasandalan ko. It's bigger than my head. When I kicked it, I thought my foot would break. Hindi man lang iyon natinag! It added to my frustration that I kept kicking it never-minding the pain on my toes.

Nagsimula ng mamula ang paa ko na sigurado akong hindi maaaninag dito dahil madilim at hindi tinatanglaw ng ilaw. I just silently released all my bottled-up feelings by kicking the unyielding rock. Pakiramdam ko ay nagkakasugat na ang labi ko sa riin ng kagat ko habang pinipigilan kong humikbi, sumigaw at magmura nang paulit-ulit.