Aaron Burr, Sir

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COMPANY
1776. New York City

HAMILTON
Pardon me. Are you Aaron Burr, sir?

BURR
That depends. Who’s asking?

HAMILTON
Oh, well, sure, sir
I’m Alexander Hamilton, I’m at your service, sir
I have been looking for you

BURR
I’m getting nervous

HAMILTON
Sir…
I heard your name at Princeton. I was seeking an accelerated course of study when I got sort of out of sorts with a buddy of yours. I may have punched him. It’s a blur, sir. He handles the financials?

BURR
You punched the bursar

HAMILTON
Yes!
I wanted to do what you did. Graduate in two, then join the revolution. He looked at me like I was stupid, I’m not stupid
So how’d you do it? How’d you graduate so fast?

BURR
It was my parents’ dying wish before they passed

HAMILTON
You’re an orphan. Of course! I’m an orphan
God, I wish there was a war!
Then we could prove that we’re worth more
Than anyone bargained for…

BURR
Can I buy you a drink?

HAMILTON
That would be nice

BURR
While we’re talking, let me offer you some free advice
Talk less

HAMILTON
What?

BURR
Smile more

HAMILTON
Ha

BURR
Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for

HAMILTON
You can’t be serious

BURR
You wanna get ahead?

HAMILTON
Yes

BURR
Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead

LAURENS
Yo yo yo yo yo!
What time is it?

LAURENCE/LAFAYETTE/MULLIGAN
Show time!

BURR
Like I said…

LAURENS
Show time! Show time! Yo!
I’m John Laurens in the place to be!
Two pints o’ Sam Adams, but I’m workin’ on three, uh!
Those redcoats don’t want it with me!
Cuz I will pop chick-a pop these cops till I’m free!

LAFAYETTE
Oui oui, mon ami, je m’appelle Lafayette!
The Lancelot of the revolutionary set!
I came from afar just to say “Bonsoir!”
Tell the King “Casse toi!” Who’s the best?
C’est moi!

MULLIGAN
Brrrah brraaah! I am Hercules Mulligan
Up in it, lovin’ it, yes I heard ya mother said “Come again?”

LAFAYETTE & LAURENS
Ayyyyy

MULLIGAN
Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course
It’s hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets…

LAFAYETTE
Wow

LAURENS
No more sex, pour me another brew, son!
Let’s raise a couple more…

LAURENCE/LAFAYETTE/MULLIGAN
To the revolution!

LAURENS
Well, if it ain’t the prodigy of Princeton college!

MULLIGAN
Aaron Burr!

LAURENS
Give us a verse, drop some knowledge!

BURR
Good luck with that: you’re takin’ a stand
You spit. I’m ‘a sit. We’ll see where we land

LAFAYETTE & MULLIGAN
Boooo!

LAURENS
Burr, the revolution’s imminent. What do you stall for?

HAMILTON
If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for?

MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE/LAURENS
Ooh
Who you?
Who you?
Who are you?

MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE/LAURENS
Ooh, who is this kid? What’s he gonna do?

MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE/LAURENSOoh, who is this kid? What’s he gonna do?

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