Hate is a strong word

Chapter 25

The rest of the week, I sat around with Jessi and James. I had already taken the week off, so I decided to use this time to relax. I wouldn't be focused going into work, so I took a much-needed brain break and relaxed with my friends. Jessi and James are amazing. I love them both so much. I don't know what I would do in this situation without them. 

Eventually, I began to forget Shawn. It still hurt when I saw his face on a billboard, but I was getting used to it. It was going to take a while, but I knew that eventually, I would recover. I knew that I would never be the same. I get that, but I should try. So that's what I decided to do. 

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*3 weeks later*

I unlocked the door to my apartment, throwing the box of donuts I grabbed on the way home on the counter and making my way to my bedroom. I changed into some grey yoga pants and a flowy t-shirt before throwing on some fuzzy socks and making myself some coffee. I planned to drink coffee and eat donuts all afternoon. I had a whole season of The Office to catch up on, so I was set.

Shawn had been texting me like crazy. This didn't really help with the forgetting part, but I was feeling a lot better. I made a point to call either Jessi, James, or my parents every day before bed to let things off my chest. It helped, a lot, but work was starting to get stressful. So today, I was going to relax and clear my head.

This fantasy was ruined when I heard a knock on my door.

I rolled my eyes and groaned, praying to God that it wasn't the creepy mailman. I opened the door to see James, holding two Starbucks drinks in his hands. 

"James! What are you doing here?" His presence immediately enhanced my mood. Forget phone calls, real conversations are key. 

"I remembered that you said you had had a rough week at work, so I brought you Starbucks." He looked behind me at the pot of coffee I had made. "But it looks like you already had some coffee."

"Oh," I ran to the pot of coffee and poured it out into the sink. "Starbucks beats this coffee any day." 

He chuckled. He brought the coffee to the kitchen and looked at my couch, which was covered in blankets and donut crumbs. 

"Was work that bad?" He asked. I nodded, grabbing my drink and sitting back on the couch. I patted the space next to me, letting James sit down and take one of my donuts. 

"What are you watching?"

"The Office. You can join me if you want." 

That afternoon, James and I watched The Office and ate donuts. After watching more than enough episodes, I told James about work.

"It's so stressful! My boss is wanting me to come up with an idea for the cover of the magazine, and to take the pictures for multiple articles inside the magazine. This isn't something you can do in a week. It takes multiple weeks, but I don't have that option. On top of that, he wants everything to be perfect. It's like he thinks I'm Wonder Woman." 

James shrugged and sank deeper into my couch. 

"You know, doing the work wouldn't be such a bad thing. Yes, it'll be a lot to handle, but think about how your reputation will skyrocket. He'll realize what a great photographer you are and give you a promotion or something."

I smiled at James' advice. It made sense, but I just overall appreciated his effort. No one really genuinely cared about my problems, so the fact that James was trying made me happy.

"Thanks, James."

"No problem, I didn't really do anything."

"No, not just for that. Thank you for calling every day and making sure that I'm fine. Thank you for helping Jessi get me home from L.A., which I'm still not sure how I managed to sleep during that whole time. Thank you for being my friend, and caring about my wellbeing. Thank you."

He smiled a little bit, looking at me before grabbing my hand. My heart raced at the juster, and I remembered what he said to Jessi a few weeks ago. 

"Someone's got a crush on Rebecca, don't they?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. But she wouldn't be interested in me. She just caught her boyfriend cheating on her! Now just isn't the right time."

I realized what he was trying to do. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom.

I locked the door and looked into the mirror. This could not be happening. I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship, and this is James. If it didn't work out, I could lose not only my boyfriend but my best friend, too. James is a great guy, but I don't think that I'm ready for that commitment. 

I took a few deep breaths and opened the door again. I sat back down on the couch and saw that James was watching another episode of The Office. He laughed at something Jim said and looked up as I came into the room.

"Hey, you OK?" He asked, a look of concern on his face. I smiled at his thoughtfulness. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I turned to watch the T.V. when I felt him grab my hand again. I gave in, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat like this for a while, until he cut off the T.V.

"Why did you do that?"

"I need to tell you something, Rebecca. I have feelings for you. I have for a long time. I just didn't want to tell you right after the incident, so I put it off. I've just been thinking for a while, and I was wondering if I could do something."

"What?"

"This."

He leaned in, but before I could object he kissed me. This was not what I wanted to do, at all. I wasn't ready for this. I was over Shawn, but I wasn't ready for another relationship. I started to pull away until I heard a door open.

I looked to see Shawn, standing there with flowers, on my doorstep.

He looked from me to James, then back to me.

"Rebecca?"

Crap.