Hate is a strong word

Chapter 18

After a long day of shopping, Shawn and I got home and crashed on the couch. We were so tired, and I was happy to be home. We ordered pizza and watched Netflix, for the 2nd night in a row. We really needed to stop and make healthier choices, but we were too tired to think about that.

We decided to watch a show called The Flash. We laughed, learning that one of the main characters on another show was named Felicity, just like Shawn's manager. We got halfway through the first season and ate two pizzas when Shawn got a call from his agent. 

He had explained to me before that he never gets calls from his agent, only when something major has or will happen. This could mean him getting his own name tour, moving across the country, or selling over $1 million in merch. If you hadn't noticed, two of the three include him leaving me. 

He gave me a worried expression and walked to my bedroom, shutting the door for privacy. I let out a deep breath that I didn't even know I was holding. This scared me. But of course, as soon as we start dating they call and tell him to move across the globe. 

But what if he doesn't?

A little bit of me couldn't help but hope for the best. 

After a while, Shawn still hadn't come out. I was starting to get worried. This couldn't be good. Just as I was about to go check on him, he walked back in. 

No tears.

No smile.

No thumbs up.

Nothing. He just comes and sits on the couch, waiting for me to unpause the episode. He looked like he needed time to think, so I waited until we had watching two more episodes before finally turning to him. 

"What happened?" I say, barely above a whisper. 

He puts his head in his hands. He rubs his eyes and looks down at the floor. He doesn't say anything for a while, but just before I reach to push unpause, he speaks.

"My agent," He continues to look down at the floor, "said- I can't do it." He pulls at his hair, clearly in a state of distress, and looks at me. His eyes are puffy and red, and he looks like he had been crying.

"Shawn, what's wrong?" I ask, rubbing his back as he searches for words. He stays silent for a little while longer, before trying again.

"My agent said that I, I had to m-move." Those were the only words that he could muster to get out.

I knew this was coming, but why was I still so shocked? I started to cry, which made Shawn feel even worse. He looked at me with sorrow, trying to comfort me as I did him a few minutes ago. 

After what seemed like forever, I finally spit out a word.

 "Where?"

He sighed, wiped his eyes, and leaned back into the couch.

"First to Jamacia, where I will work on my new album. Then, to L.A., where I will live permanently until my tour." I nodded and looked at the floor. 

"I hate this, but I know that you have too. It's your job, your dream. I just need to know... what does this mean for us?" 

This time, he nodded and looked at the floor. He thought for a moment, before turning and taking my hand. He made me face him and looked me in the eye.

"Rebecca, I love you. I know, this may be too early in our relationship for us to say that, but I do. You are amazing, and I never want to forget you. So, while I'm gone, let's just say that we are on a break. We aren't breaking up, and I don't ever want to. Just promise me that you will wait for me, no matter what."

I nodded, my eyes starting to tear up again. He frowned and pulled me to him, my head resting on his chest. I cried for a while, but we stayed like that for the rest of the night. We finished the first season of The Flash and fell asleep on the couch in each other's arms.