Angel's Wings

I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am (I Promise)

Trigger Warning

I rushed home, not wanting to break down until I was alone. I bursted through the door, slamming it behind me.

I found myself in our shitty kitchen. I was 26, in a shit hole, hadn't gone to college, and was alone. My breath was ragged, my whole body was shaking, my mind was racing, and I felt empty.

Now that I was on my own, I found I didn't want to cry anymore. I wanted to drown, loose my thoughts, let everything that made up this waste of life seep out through air bubbles, and sink down.

I looked over to see a bottle of alcohol on the counter. Must be F/N's. I had never realized myself, how the drink could let you slip away.

I snatched it and threw open a drawer to find the bottle opener. Oh well, she doesn't fucking need it.

I popped it open. Fuck it. I lifted the top to reach my lips, and tilted back. It burned like hell at first, but none of it mattered. Gulp after gulp, I wanted to be gone.

"Y/N? What are y-? Oh my God!" I felt Jon's arms wrap around me, as I struggled to keep to bottle from his grasp, countinuing to down it. He hit it away from my mouth, and we struggled for the bottle.

"No!" I cried.

I lost my grip and it shattered on to the ground, alcohol splashing everywhere.

My legs gave out, and I fell to the ground, though Jon tried to keep me up.

"NO!" I screamed. "No. No. I need it!" Tears streamed down my face. With blurry vision, I hysterically tried to pick up the glass, resisting against Jon trying to pull me back, as though if I had all the pieces, the miracle liquid would return to it's container.

Each one would slip from my grasp, and soon my hand were covered in blood. I didn't feel it.

"Shh. Hey." Jon wrapped around me, finally, successfully, constricting me. He scooted back against a cabinet, and ran his fingers through my hair. "You're okay. I promise you will be okay."

"I'm alone, Jon. I don't have anyone. I am so far from my family. I barely feel connected to F/N anymore. Ryan is dead. A-and Brendon-" I was cut off by my own crying.

"You have me, Y/N."

"You don't want me though. I am just a mess you have to clean up. If it wasn't for your moral code, you'd be l-long gone by now." I hiccuped.

"No. You are so much more. You're just lost in a bad situation, being manipulated at every turn. Though I promise you, this time, you'll be okay. I won't let anything happen."

"He's at my work, Jon! He- he- and I can't him stop!! I can't do anything because he is the only thing I have left, of all I've ruined. I know he's gone. I can see it in his eyes, but I just- I can't. I can't. I can't!" I shouted, more tears racing down my cheeks.

   "Y/N? Who- what's happened?!" Even in this state, I could tell he had a terrifying, and yet all too accurate idea.

   "B-Brendon. He's a job got, in my work." My words had begun to slur a bit.

   Panic flashed for a brief second across his face, then he was back to his calm self. He didn't want me to see it, and part of me wishes I hadn't either, but now I knew the shit-storm I had gotten into.

I rested my head on Jon's chest, feeling it rise up and down. The dull white linoleum tile floor, was smooth beneath my legs. I looked up at the rectangular ceiling light, really noticing how dim it had become since F/N and I had moved in. Funny how this was suppose to be a brief, temporary home. Years later, and we were as stuck there as ever.

I didn't think F/N had even thought about that. Then I realized neither had I. Not before Brendon, I hadn't. Before him, I was content with shit. I had such a boring life. I walked around with my eyes closed to the whole world, but he opened them up.

Now his are open, yet blinded. I want to repay him, to help him see once more. Maybe it was impossible, but what else was I going to do? I looked to the glass on the floor. There's always drowning myself in alcohol.

Jon placed his arms beneath my legs and torso, then stood up, lifting me with him. He walked into the living room and laid me down on the couch. He took the blanket that was was always strewn across the back of it, and covered me.

He went into the kitchen, and a few minutes later came back with a huge bowl, saltine crackers, and a glass of water. "I'm gonna clean up the kitchen, speak up if you need something, but otherwise, please get some rest Y/N."

I nodded.

He left once more. I couldn't sleep. I looked at the walls, certain spots being illuminated golden, from the distant kitchen light through the doorway. I listened to the pieces of glass clatter together, and be thrown into the bin. Little things like this have always calmed me. It reminded me I wasn't alone but I wasn't needed for anything, so I could be let be. It also made me feel safe, in such that if something went wrong, I wouldn't have to worry.

I started to wonder what would have happened, had Jon not showed up. Would I even have made it to the end of the bottle? Then again I had made it almost three quarters of the way through. What would I have done next? ...I knew what. I wouldn't have seen the light of tomorrow's day.

I snuggled up with the blanket, and buried my face in the crease of the couch. I closed my eyes, and tried to shake off the 'what if's.

//////

I fluttered my eyes open at the sound of a thud. I was met with the back couch cushions an inch from my face. I still didn't dare move.

Then there was a jostling of the front door handle, before it flew open. I couldn't be bothered to look.

   I heard F/N's laugh. Okay, back to sleep now. Then there was a creak of a chair, and Jon spoke.

   "You need to leave." Is he talking to F/N?

   Somebody went to speak but F/N cut them off. "Who are you? What are you doing in m- Oh my- Y/N?"

   I felt her hand on my arm through the blanket. Then there were quick footsteps, and the door slammed shut.

   "Hey, Y/N. Hey, wake up." She spoke softly.

   I pretended to have just woken up as I turned over to look at her. She was kneeling down next to the couch.

   "What happened? What's wrong?" She asked.

"You know that bottle of alcohol you had on the counter? I hope you didn't have any important plans involving it."

"First off, you drank a whole bottle? Are you mad? You could die of alcohol poisoning! Second, Y/N... I didn't have a bottle on the counter..." She trailed off, looking concerned.