Figurehead

seventeen

When I emerge from the prayer room, the first thing I notice is the emptiness that meets my ears. The palace is always quiet, but always, always is there- somewhere- the sound of quiet footsteps of the serving or the even quieter mutters of guards. Something cold trickles into my chest. I'd been hoping to find him so we could talk, so I could give him my answer, but I don't think that's going to happen now.

I came to the palace after first light, passing several guards on my way to the small room. Not more than usual, but today they made themselves completely visible, present in armour with weapons in full display.

But now none are in sight. I take a few steps towards the main hall, stopping short as the sudden, distant clash of metal rings in the air, followed by shouting. Heart pounding, I run, stopping at the top of the steps as I try and take in the chaos I see, try and find him.

He stands in the centre, pushing someone I can't identify back while other trusted messengers and members of the Sirdiu fight amongst and against each other. Nirs, Sher, Lus, Mul, Griu are the few I can identify at this moment.

I catch sight of Med and rush down the steps to where he's shaking his head furiously, arguing. "-home. It's not safe," he's saying. He sees me standing there as the shouts and the clashes of blades and grunts and the sound of skin hitting skin echo in my ears and mind. "They're civilians," he explains furiously. The smell of blood and metal mixes in the air and sickens me.

"This is not your place," I snap. There's a whole group of them. "Go home." I raise my voice to be heard. "Leave, now, for your own safety and for ours," I say, and just for a moment, my words slice through the chaos I can hear behind me. I hold up a dagger. "I don't want to force you to leave."

"Thanks," Med mutters, as the people, though angry, slowly begin dissipating.

I turn to face the others. "Get everyone to leave this place," I order.

"What-"

"Do it!" I've never heard my voice sound so fierce, but there's no time to apologise.

I don't miss the look he shoots me before he leaves and I sweep my gaze over the mess. Sirdiu against Sirdiu, trusted messenger against trusted messenger, trusted messenger against Sirdiu. The noises pour through my ears and penetrate my mind with the scent of blood and sweat and death, the sight of red red red nauseating. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Griu fights ferociously before me, another former High Commander spitting curses at him while she slashes with her sriu. I can be of no help there. Almost crashing into them, Mul is pushed back by a trusted messenger I don't remember the name of. I can't help there either, I don't know who's on what side. Who is supportive of Escatin blood and who is not?

The occasional knife or dagger flicks through the air and I narrowly avoid being sliced by one, forced to move forward into the mass of bodies. Some are a little further out, but that's because they're small groups of people fighting, not just one against one. There are a few bodies lying on the ground in pools of blood as well as other things I don't want to identify.

"Janf!" I hear Nirs call out, voice strained, and pick my way over a trail of bodies to where she and Sher fight against three trusted messengers I can't recognise in the mess of blood, sweat and dirt. I grip my daggers, take a breath and mutter a prayer for forgiveness before coming up to the three from behind-

One of them sees me and curses at me in Arun, lashing out at me with a broken sriu coated in dried and crusting blood. I lash back, defence training from Dre ago kicking in as I force him back with my knives, kicking the broken blade out of his hands and then to the side, ignoring my urge to retch when it slides in a pool of blood and- and-

I cry out as he grabs my wrist and yanks, unbalancing me so he can stab me with the dagger in his other hand. I jerk back before he can, and I retaliate, readjusting my grip on the knife in my free hand just as Nirs stabs him in the stomach, her vivid green eyes wide in horror before he rips the dagger out, his howl of pain and fury inhuman before his hand jerks and she screams, the sound shrill and piercing through my skull. She screams and screams and screams before they turn into groans, then whimpers- he keeps stabbing even as I try and pull him away and before I know what's happened, he goes still with the most horrible sound I've ever heard, dropping limp to the ground.

Sher stands over him with her features twisted in sorrow and pain before someone else slams into her and she acts. "Nirs! Nirs!" She's a crumpled heap on the ground, bleeding all over, her clothing torn. Is she even still breathing? Her body's still warm when I kneel beside it, try to check if her heart still beats but there's no point. No no no no no- I turn her onto her side to get a better look at her- her corpse- and I turn away and throw up, keep throwing up until my throat burns and my stomach feels completely empty.

She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. No time for that. No time. No time for tears, no time to mourn. No time, no time, just go, just move.

I stumble to my feet, almost tripping over the dead bodies on the ground, suddenly grateful my stomach is empty as I wipe my mouth, still retching, more still when I realise I have blood smeared across my hands and up my arms and I've just wiped some on my face. Don't think about it, don't think about it, keep going.

There are so few of us left standing now but there's no time, no time, no time to think- one of the Sirdiu I don't recognise raises her sriu and cuts it through the air and I duck, lifting up my two daggers, crossing one over the other to meet the falling blow. The collision of metal runs down my forearms, it jars right through my body.

"Why support someone worthless to the empire?" she hisses, clearly knowing who I am, or, at least, where I stand in this fight. Ignoring her, I clench my teeth and keep pushing until I can't reach further, then lift my right leg and slam it into her left knee. She curses at me in Hiun and I grit my teeth so hard my jaw aches, kicking her left knee again, jumping back as she staggers forward, cursing all the while.

"Why commit treason?" I ask breathlessly, as she regains her balance. Why cause so much bloodshed? She limps a little as she moves forward, sriu pointed in front of her, pushing me back. I know I could have killed her while she'd staggered- my thoughts are cut off with a grunt as I almost trip over a body and I retch, grateful again that I've already emptied my stomach. I inhale sharply, then rush forward, driving one of my knives into her left thigh. I can't bring myself to take it back, pulling another blade from my left boot instead as she screams in fury.

She wrenches it out with another scream that echoes in the depths of my mind before hurling it recklessly in what I assume is my direction. It hits someone else I don't recognise in the back of the neck and I turn away, wishing I couldn't hear the sounds they made as they died. One hand pressing against the blood flow, the other gripping her sriu,  she tries to swing it at me, crying out. She gasps, falling forward to the ground with a knife buried in her back. I don't see who it is because all I can see now is Dein.

Dein. Dein, exhausted, knives in his hands as someone falls to the ground, dead at his feet. He looks up, sorrow and pain etched into his features, and he sees me, but I don't know what he sees.

"Janf-"