Figurehead

twenty-nine

Hey, Sret. Make sure to show ama and afa this message too, alright? But nobody else. Nobody. Alright? Please.

I'm writing to tell you that I'm fine, that I've been healing well. Thank you all for your messages. There is not much I can say about what's happening here in Anshakim. There isn't much I know.

What I do know, is that it wouldn't be safe if I asked the three of you to come here. I will come to see you all when I can, perhaps in a week or so. It all depends. I'm sorry that I can't explain things to you. I love you all. Please don't worry about me, I'm really truly alright. Thank you for your prayers.

— Janf.

I re-read the message, then seal it and wait for the sealing clay to dry before handing the note to Med. "Give it to my sister." He nods, smiles. I return the gesture. "Thanks."

"It's alright." He turns and leaves the meeting hall.

Tui appears in the doorway, catches sight of me and approaches, footsteps hurried. "What is it?"

"Did you want to see Sher before the burning?" she asks, voice low.

I run a hand through my hair, ignoring the knots and tangles my fingers encounter. I sigh, hesitating. "No," I say finally. "I don't want to remember her corpse. I want to remember her how she was." Not like the way I remember Nirs.

She nods in understanding.

I pause. "There's something else, isn't there?" Something in the look of her face. "What aren't you telling me?"

She leans forward. "Lus is awake."

My knees feel weak, almost buckling beneath me while my heart fills with relief and I let out a shuddering breath. "Is he really?" I breathe.

She nods, her eyes filling with tears as a true smile curls her lips. "He's awake. He's really, truly awake."

I take another unsteady breath, straightening. "I need to see him."

My pulse is thunder, rumbling through my blood with each step and breath I take as I walk through the passageways. Lus is awake. Lus is awake. Lus is awake. Lus is awake. The thought whirs through my mind, over and over and over and over.

The guards smile at us as we pass, and Tui falters behind me as we come to a stop. Like last time, two other pallets are occupied by sleeping figures- palace guards, I realise. Apart from them, Lus and the two of us are the only ones in the room. My heart is full and unsteady when he turns to us, to me, and meets my gaze with a slow smile. Blue and gold have never looked so beautiful together.

"Hey, Lus," I whisper.

"Hey, Janf." I didn't realise I'd forgotten what his voice sounded like. He turns to Tui. "Help me up." She moves to his other side and helps him sit up, back and head leaned against the wall with a small wince.

"You're alive. You're awake." I can't seem to say much else yet as I stare at him.

He nods. "I'm awake." He hesitates, and I see a mix of things flicker in his eyes before he takes a deep breath, features shifting in solemnity. "Who isn't?" he asks softly.

I share a glance with Tui. She stares at the floor. I take an unsteady breath. "Nirs is dead. Sher is dead." I speak in a murmur, letting the words sink in. Briefly, he squeezes his eyes shut before refocusing them on me, a clear question present. "Dein is alive, but he's asleep still."

I don't want to talk about Lus' almost-tied yet. I don't want to mention that she thought he would never awake, and didn't stay to find out. That I have a message from her sitting with my things in Dein's bedroom. But I will have to tell him. I will have to give it to him.