Figurehead

thirty-two

Lus is recalling a story about what he was like as a child to Fiut when I enter the room. Glancing at me before looking again at the serving-boy, he continues, not changing his tone or amused expression.

I run a hand through my hair and head to my pallet, gathering a bundle of my things. "I'm going to the washroom," I toss back over my shoulder as I leave the room.

Hair damp and seemingly-irretrievably tangled, I return to Dein's bedroom feeling slightly better than before. Fiut is nowhere to be seen now. Lus turns to face me as I drop into the seat beside him at Dein's bedside.

"Alip told me your sister showed up."

I sigh with a nod, eyes fixed on Dein. "She did."

"So.. She knows?"

I nod again. "Yes."

He turns back to face his kin. "About him?"

I hesitate. "A bit." He nods.

"The empire doesn't know your name yet," he says after a pause.

"They will soon," we both say at the same time. We share a glance and he tries at a smile.

"If he lives, you'll be his queen. If he doesn't, you'll be first heir."

"And you'll be king," I murmur. His lips press into a grim line, his fingers tightening in their grip on the wooden staff. I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "At least you've been trained for the burden," I mutter. "I'm completely clueless."

"If he lives, he'll teach you. If not, I'll have to." He pauses. "We'll wait for him."

I nod slowly. "I know you wish Riu were here with you. So do I. You kind of need her. And I know you keep wishing for Dein to wake up so you can go look for her."

He shifts in his seat, releasing a slow exhalation. "Is it wrong to need someone? We have the Lord with us. He is always more than enough. So is it wrong to need someone so much?"

"I don't know," I murmur. I reach out and take Dein's hand, brushing my thumb over his. "If it is, I'm guilty too." My pulse spikes. "If it's wrong, would the Lord be trying to teach us a lesson by taking them away from us?"

Lus' breath catches. "Janf, the Lord is not like that."

I hang my head. "I know," I murmur. "I just.. I forget."

He nods with a quiet sigh. "I know. We all forget sometimes. It's because the Lord is so.. He is so good and so merciful and so gracious and so righteous and just and beyond anything we could ever hope to imagine."

I smile at the way his words start stumbling over each other. "Yeah, I know." It's always so.. Beautiful, I suppose, to see someone trying to verbally or physically express how they love someone. And so much more so when someone is trying to express their love for the Lord.

He places a hand on Dein's shoulder with a brief squeeze before standing, steadying himself with the staff. "It's almost falling light." I nod. Hopefully, Sret and Med will be safely on their way home already. "First, I want to show you something."

He nods at the door on the other side of the room. I rise from the chair. "What?" He just smiles.

"I'll show you." He crosses the short space, picking his way past my stuff before opening the door. He barely spares the desk a glance as he comes to a stop in the middle of the small room, facing the empty hearth. The room is dimly lit by flickers of firelight from the bedroom behind us. "I know it's not easy to see, but look up, above the hearth."

I follow his gaze.

In Dein's writing on the wall are verses from the Escrituras. Some of them overlap, some words or verses are bigger in size than others, but together, it is beautiful. It reminds me of the map he brought with us to Aranakiu.

My chest aches, and I long to go back and visit the time when things were easier. Never simple. Simple could never have been possible, not between us. But easier.

Lus' voice quietly interrupts my thoughts. "If you ever forget who the Lord is, look to His Word." I know. I just.. I forget that too. Sometimes. I just.. Think too much.

''For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid My face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee,' saith the Lord thy Redeemer.'
— Yesha'yahu 54:7-8

'For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says the Lord, 'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'
— Yesha'yahu 29:11

''For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of My peace be removed,' saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.'
— Yesha'yahu 54:10

I read them aloud softly beneath my breath.

I don't know how I keep forgetting, but I do. And every time I'm reminded, I'm just so grateful that the Lord has promised never to forsake me, no matter what.

I turn and give him a loose hug, pulling away after a brief pause. He smiles at me, a smile mixed with sympathy and hope and sadness and grief and sorrow and remorse and friendship and affection and pain.

Thank you. They are my words to him, and his to me, but neither of us need to say them. The words are here between us already.

We leave the room in silence, the door closing soundlessly behind us before we part ways.