Figurehead

forty-nine

It takes some convincing, but we manage to let Oan and Ked past the guards at the bottom and at the top of the steps. All the while, Oan keeps stammering unintelligibly, searching for words with her green eyes round, her mouth opening and closing whenever she dares look at the king.

In one of the halls, we stop and wait for her to find her voice. Ked stays silent, amusement and shock in conflict on his face. Amusement whenever he looks at his bound, shock whenever he looks at me. More specifically, whenever he looks at the crown nestled in my hair and at the king's arms wrapped around me, or at Dein's crown. I don't think Ked bothers trying to find his voice whenever he looks at us.

"How in the lands did this happen?" she finally manages to ask, eyes darting rapidly between us. Dein laughs silently, and since he's standing right behind me, I can feel it.

I shrug in response to her question. "It's the same question everyone has been asking for days," I say. Ama, Afa, Sret, Med, Jur probably as well. "Sometimes I ask myself the same thing," I admit aloud.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? After the ceremony?" she asks, eyes still round, words still stumbling a little.

I grin at that. "Didn't you hear Sret say 'Hail king and queen'?"

She grimaces. "I didn't know she meant of the empire, I thought she just meant of the new family you'd make."

I laugh. "Well, now you know."

She groans, rubbing the side of her forehead. "Queen, huh?" She blows out a breath. "Incredible," she mutters.

I laugh and touch Dein's arm. He releases me and I give my old friend a hug. "I'm still Janf," I say, as I pull back.

She shakes her head, running a hand through her golden curls. "Yeah, I guess, but now you're also the queen."

I sigh, knowing there's no way I can tell her to ignore that. No way I can tell her it's not a big deal. I reach for her hand but she shakes her head, and it hurts. "Oan, I haven't changed." Have I? Have I changed so much? I hesitate, heart heavy. "Maybe I have," I think aloud.

Dein's arms encircle me again, and I sigh. "I don't know," Oan says finally. "I don't know." She takes a few steps back, grabbing Ked's arm. "Maybe I'll see you again, maybe I won't." She takes a breath. "It was good to see you. Thanks for inviting me to your ceremony." She pauses, dips her head low. "Hail king and queen," she says quietly. Then she and her bound turn and walk away, back to the palace entrance.

My shoulders slump with my sigh. I didn't expect that sort of reaction. I guess that, just maybe, I should have. How would I react if I were in her place? Would I treat her the same? I blow out a breath. I don't know.

I don't know.

Dein moves to stand in front of me, touching the crown he placed on my head. "I'm fine," I mutter. Why do I bother with this blatant lie?

He sighs, pressing me to him. "No, you're not."

I didn't know- I couldn't ever have imagined I'd lose a friend this way. I guess she can't see Janf when she looks at me now, she just sees the queen. Who else will think of me the same way? Who else from Huistef will think of me now as a stranger?

I bring my hands up to his face, and I think of all that we've been through to get to this point. This point where the empire now knows I'm queen, this point I so feared and so didn't want. My eyes refocus on his, and I manage a smile. A real one. "Thanks." He kisses me in response.

Has it been worth it? I wonder, as we part. I don't know. But I think I'm where I'm meant to be right now. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.