some days will be bad. there will be no other way to describe those days. they will be characterised by sinking hearts and dropping stomachs. they will be like going to the freezer, thinking there's ice cream in there, and finding none. they will be like the first time you fell off your bicycle, when you were five. you will feel time slow down, and your heartbeat quicken and your chest constrict as the concrete gets closer. you will feel the impact so much that your bones will resonate with it. these days will feel like failing an exam for the first time. the mocking voice in your head will refuse to quieten itself, and it's words will echo in your veins. these days will be all of this, and more. they will be the day your first pet died. like the day you had that big fight with your best friend in high school. like the days after that, when you stopped being popular, and started sitting alone at lunch. they will be the feeling you get before you step onto stage with a poem on your phone, waiting to roll off your tongue, for the first time.
but, on those days, you have to force yourself to remember the rest.
the feeling you got the minute you stepped off stage. the racing pulse, the shallow breaths, like you'd run a mile after doing something wrong, but you knew that this wasn't wrong. this couldn't be more right. this is the day you realise that you always belonged on stage. the feeling of the cold water swallowing you the first time you dived into a pool. diving involved falling, but there was no concrete to smack you on the face here. here, you could feel the wind whiz past your ears. remember the victory mixing with your blood when you got into your dream college. the first time you painted something. the day you finally talked to that friend you'd been so mad at. the day your book got published. the day you stepped onto the scale and didn't feel bad about your body, because all of those days at the gym finally paid off.
that racing pulse, that light-headed feeling, like you could do whatever you want, like you could fly away from all of this, don't let that feeling go. hold on to it real tight. because life is messed up. and there will be days when it will feel like it is surrounded by a black aura. like there's nothing left for you here. on those days, you will have to pick yourself up, and paint yourself a mosaic.
