Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

Five [ch. 5]

Everything was almost perfect over the next few weeks. Alexander was finally happy again, spending his time with his new and updated group of friends. Nobody had spoken to John, unless it was to make a witty remark, since The Incident™.

Alexander had grown closer to Thomas over these few weeks, and despite all their friends telling them they should just get together already, they had agreed they didn't want to rush anything, and Alexander had made it clear he wasn't ready to start another relationship yet. Despite this, they were constantly flirting with each other, and not subtly either.

Everyone noticed the biggest change, however, was Alexander. Everyone noticed the difference. The once dark and prominent bags under his eyes were beginning to fade, he left his dorm more often to join the rest of them, and he seemed all around happier.

Through all this, James had started staying in the other's dorms as to avoid John as much as possible. Despite Alexander's happiness, John had begun to sulk around all day, almost never showering. James had sworn the room started smelling like a dumpster.

Even Washington had noticed the difference. Especially in debate, whereas Alexander and Thomas would be at each other's throats with insults, it was much calmer. When they insult each other, it was always something petty, and never in the cutthroat tones used before.

Lafayette seemed the most pleased at how things were going. He enjoyed seeing Alexander doing so well. He was like a brother to him, and he knew everyone was enjoying it. Thomas had even mentioned he had been having his nightmares less lately, which made the Frenchman happy.

Alexander was finally going to fix this. Sure, he still felt a pang in his chest whenever he thought of John, but he knew it was going to be okay. Sure, he still loved John, Alexander had even said so to Thomas, but he was somehow happier. He knew everyone was enjoying him sleeping more, and he was enjoying it as well. He didn't need to drink as much coffee and was much more productive.

Everything at the moment just felt right.

»»————- ————-««

John watched out the window, where he had a perfect view of Alexander and Thoms eating lunch together under a tree. He felt the warm tears falling down his face but he ignored them. It hurt him so much to see Alexander sitting there, laughing with their- no his friends. He saw Thomas had an arm casually placed around him, and Alexander's happy expression as he leaned into the touch.

He was supposed to be there with him. It should be him out there, making Alexander smile like that. But he had lost that privilege when he broke Alexander's heart. John knew he should be happy for him- and he was. But he missed Alexander.

He felt himself begin to shake, his sobs becoming louder as he pulled himself from the window to continue crying. He felt so worthless lying there.

John had been thinking about it for a while. He knew everyone would be better off without him. So why don't you do it? He asked himself. No. he still had a shot. He knew they weren't technically together. He might be able to get Alexander back. Even if it's just as his friend.

But you ruined that when you raised a hand to hit him. You know what he had been through with people in his past. You lost him for good. The thoughts ran through John's mind while he sobbed, blocking out the world around him.

I'll wait and see. Was the last thing that ran through John's mind before he let the darkness of sleep overtake him once again.

»»————- ————-««

Alexander sat down to eat smiling his ass off. He knew he had no real reason, but he was just extremely happy at the moment. It was a Friday and he was excited for the weekend, sure, but he was really excited to be able to spend some time with Thomas without Lafayette constantly following them. He knew he was just being protective, he had done the same thing when he and John had gotten together. Even though he and Thomas weren't technically together, everyone always told them they acted like they were.