Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

Awake [ch. 15]

A/N: I WILL NO LONGER BE DOING INDIVIDUAL CHAPTER WARNINGS. I HAVE PUT ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE DESCRIPTION. PLEASE DO NOT COME AFTER ME FOR NOT WARNING FOR EACH CHAPTER BECAUSE SPOILERS.

Alexander shot awake, quickly sitting up and looking around. The first thing he noticed was that he was not in a hospital. hadn't he been in a coma only moments before? The second thing was that John, who was now blinking himself awake. Alexander's eyes widened at the sight. This couldn't be real. "John?" 

"Yeah?" the Carolinian sat up and wrapped his arms around the immigrant. "Bad dream again?" Alexander could only shake his head.

"I thought- you were- you- I-" He couldn't get a full sentence out. Last time he had checked, John had been dead for over two months. Now he was right here.

"Are you okay?" he put a hand on Alexander's forehead. "You're burning up... here. Lay back down. I'll go get you some water." The immigrant could only nod and do as John instructed. When he came back, Alexander downed the water before pulling John into a tight hug, softly crying.

"Hey, calm down love. It's all okay." He ran a hand through his lover's hair, trying to calm him down.

"I-I thought you were dead. It felt so real..." He shook, gripping onto John.

"It was just a dream. I'm just fine. I'll always be here for you." Alexander nodded, eventually able to fall back asleep. He awoke the next morning and looked around to see he was in John and James' dorm.

James.

He looked around, seeing him asleep in his bed like any other day. Oh thank god. He was still confused though. Last Alexander remembered he was on the brink of death, and all of a sudden he's back with John, before he had broken up with him and everything happened.

But if I was still with John, then that meant Thomas and I never got together. I closed my eyes, clearly able to hear his voice while I was in the coma.

Maybe this was a dream? Some fantasy my mind induced to block itself out of the pain my body was in? It all had felt too real. Alexander looked down at John and felt his heart break a little. He hadn't realized how much he had missed the Carolinian. The immigrant leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

Alexander got out of the bed, careful not to wake up John and slipped his shoes and sweats on and grabbing his phone. "Where you goin?" he heard John ask. The immigrant turned around to face his past lover- no. His lover who had sat up.

"I'll be right back. I need to get my laptop." Alexander walked back over and pecked John's lips. After what he was still unsure of was a dream or not, it felt like he was cheating on Thomas, even though if he could remember this day. That night was when John had dumped him. He remembered waking up in bed with him, although he had spent the day with John in the 'dream'.

John nodded and he left, rushing over to his dorm. When he got inside, he leaned against the door and looked around. Thomas was perched on his bed typing something on his laptop. He had a sudden wave of memory hit him, of him stumbling into the room drunk. Of Thomas helping him out until he eventually fell asleep.

God Alexander missed him. In that coma it had felt like weeks had passed, although he had no proper sense of time. He shook his head in attempt to rid himself of the thoughts, but his mind was only flooded with seeing John in the hospital. The sound of the flatline and John going limp in his arms.

The immigrant hadn't noticed he'd been crying until Thomas spoke up. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

He nodded. "I feel like I did... I thought... I remember John, and, you, and James, and the accident..." The Virginian looked at Alexander like he was crazy.