Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

Seven [ch. 7]

I may not live to see our glory...

"What happened to him?" Was all Alexander thought he could say without the evident worry slipping through his voice.

Thomas's reluctance to answer told Alexander whatever it was, it wasn't good. "James told me he found John in their bathroom... He said he was covered in blood, and there was an empty pill bottle next to him."

Alexander didn't notice he was crying until he felt Thomas pull him into a hug. After a few moments he pushed him away. "No no no... It's all my fault... I... I should have been there for him. I-" He was cut off by Thomas putting his hands on his shoulders, looking to him.

Alexander could see his fear. He could see how hard Thomas was trying to mask it. "Alex, you did nothing wrong. Right now? You need to be there for him. Get your shoes on and we'll go meet James at the hospital. He said he was calling Laf after, so they'll probably be there as well."

With a reluctant nod, Alexander did as he was told, rushing out the door.

»»————- ————-««

When John woke up, the first thing he saw was the bright light above him. The next was the door bursting open and Alexander running in the room, practically throwing his body over his... hospital bed? Fuck.

It wasn't supposed to go down like this. He wasn't supposed to care, nobody was supposed to find him. John carefully raised a hand to run it through Alexander's hair. He felt himself slipping. He could barely move or do anything, it was all strained.

He felt someone wrap their arms around him, John letting out a small gasp in surprise. Noticing it was Alexander, John tried to comfort him, but failed. He knew he couldn't hold on much longer. He saw the darkness around him, black spots blurring his vision.

Knowing he was running out of time to do something, to say something, John gave the immigrant a small smile. John knew Alexander thought this meant he was going to be okay, and he felt the grip on him loosen. "Jackie please don't die on me..."

John knew better. The last thing he said was "I love you, Alexander." Before letting the darkness swallow him whole.

»»————- ————-««

But I will gladly join the fight.

When Alexander heard the flatline of the heart monitor, he broke out into sobs. No. John wasn't supposed to go this way. He was supposed to be happy and old.

Not long after he heard Lafayette running in, nurses not far behind. Alexander's entire body seemed to go numb. He didn't let go of John, and continued crying into his neck, not wanting to admit what had just happened. Not wanting to face reality.

Alexander wanted nothing more than to open his eyes and see John smiling back, telling him he was going to be alright. He knew it would never happen. He would never hear John's laugh, or see his bright smile.

John was gone.

He didn't notice how much time had passed before he felt Thomas gently pulling him away. Alexander let him. The longer he held John, the colder he seemed to get, and it was only making it worse.

Alexander felt completely numb. He didn't notice when Lafayette pulled him into a hug, or when a nurse handed Thomas a letter. He didn't want to continue crying over John, but fuck if he didn't want to rush back in there and see him sitting there, eyes bright and color in his face.

When people offered him condolences or anything, Alexander only shook them off, wanting nothing more than to crawl inside his bed and wake up from this nightmare.