Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

It's Quiet Uptown (Part 1) [ch. 8]

There are moments that the words don't reach, there is suffering too terrible to name.

Alexander was relieved when he found out they were going to Virginia for a week. They had already been dismissed from school by Washington, who had insisted they needed to take a break after John's death.

The night before they left, Alexander and Thomas got their bags together. It was originally just going to be him, Lafayette and Hercules going, but Alexander had refused to leave Thomas' side since the incident, and James was coming to help out like he had been for the past week.

The most surprising thing over the past week was the depression Lafayette has seemingly fallen into. Unlike Alexander, who was doing his best to stay happy. It shocked everyone, and George had admitted that the whole Virginia trip was in hopes to help Lafayette.

When the alarm went off at 4 am so they got in at a decent time, Alexander rolled off the bed, groaning when he his the floor.

"Why-" Thomas started but seemed to think better of it. "Nevermind. I feel like I don't wanna know."

With a small laugh, Alexander got up and went into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later with his hair in a messy bun and one of Thomas' sweaters on.

"Who said you could wear my sweater?" Thomas teased.

"It's four in the morning, I'm cold, and It's warm," Alexander spoke with a small nip in his voice, as if he wanted to sound like a smartass, but was too tired to do so.

Thomas chuckled and smiled, deciding to let it slide. They gathered the last of their stuff and head out to Thomas' car. When they got inside, the first thing Alexander said was, "We're getting coffee before we get on the freeway."

"Alex, you know you can sleep right?"

"The coffee is because I had to wake up at 4 am. With the amount of caffeine I consume do you really think a cup of coffee is going to do anything?"

Thomas laughed at that. It was true. He had even seen the man put 5-hour energy in his coffee and still be asleep an hour later. With a small nod, he drove them to the nearest Starbucks, got them both coffees, and started driving to Washington's' house in Virginia.

»»————- ————-««

You hold your child as tight as you can, and push away the unimaginable.

When his alarm went off, Lafayette groaned and turned back to the wall, ignoring it in the hopes Hercules would turn it off. When it only got louder, he turned around to see Hercules, holding the phone closer to his head. Lafayette snatched the phone to turn off the alarm before turning back to his wall.

"Nope." Was all he heard before feeling Hercules pick him up. "Come on, Laf. You can sleep in the car."

"Why do I even have to go? It's not like there's a reason to go. We all have school." Lafayette complained, crossing his arms and trying to squirm out of his boyfriend's arms.

"Laf... I know it's been hard on all of us, but what's really bothering you? It's so unlike you to be like this... If it were Alex I'd understand, but it's you..."

"Herc, it was John. When he needed us the most we all turned him away. If we had been there for him... If we hadn't started ignoring him... Herc it's our fault he's gone!" Lafayette had tears in his eyes as he went on. "If we had been there for him, he would still be here. John wouldn't have killed himself, he wouldn't have been depressed. He may have fucked up, but he was still our friend!" Lafayette was sobbing by this point.

Hercules pressed a kiss to his forehead, holding him closer. "I know, Laf. But It's too late. There's nothing we can do but move on.."

Lafayette nuzzled his head into Hercules' neck while he sobbed, shakes racking through his body. "John didn't deserve to go like that... Alexander was just holding him... He looked too peaceful... He looked too calm for our John..."