Wagwan Piffting

Chapter 3: A Little Fortnite

Days passed and George had little to no proof that Will had been fraternizing with the enemy, and it infuriated him. Just being jealous of your guy-friend's guy friend doesn't make you gay, right? With this slew of issues, he decided to talk to a professional. A proper tried and true source for any and all questions.

"Josh" George rung up his other best friend. On days where he was feeling particularly petty, he would call Josh his only best friend, but regardless.

"What is it now, George?" Josh groaned, holding the phone against his ear as he played Fortnite on his PlayStation.

"So, I have a question," George started. Receiving a grunt of acknowledgement from the other end he continued "I've got this friend–"

"So we're talking about Will again?" Josh rolled his eyes, running across a field to escape the oncoming storm.

"Theoretically," George continued, a slight bite to his voice.

At this, Josh rolled his eyes, those two were a complete mess. "Alright, go on." he sighed.

"And let's say he had these two friends. One of them is this awesome, handsome, cool dude, and the other is some bloke nobody gives one about."

"Mhmm," Josh's voice tightened in fear as he narrowly avoided a barrage of bullets hurtling towards them, and he physically tensed, quickly building around him as George continued to prattle on.

"And then let's say that the first guy started to hang out with the boring guy more than the cool guy and-"

"This would be much easier to follow if you'd just give them names"

"Alright, fine." George bit. "The first guy is named... John. The cool dude is named Joe. The boring guy is named..."

"You run out of J names?" Josh asked after a long pause.

"Hush... The third guy is named Jack. There." George stood up from his desk, pacing around the room. "So John starts hanging out with Jack more often than Joe, and Joe's sorta starting to get a little jealous perhaps of Jack and a little possessive of John and basically I need to know if that's gay."

"Tell me again why you consider me the authority on all things gay and not gay?"

"Well, you play Fortnite."

"Alright George, bye–" Josh was cut off.

"Wait! I didn't mean that, you have to help me, Josh, I'm not gay!"

"Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that." Josh snickered. He got a couple kills in his game, just three more, and the W would be his. "I think Joe needs to tell Jack how he feels– or was it John? James? You really shouldn't have made them all sound so similar. Tell him how you–"

"Not me," George clarified a little too quickly.

"Sorry, how Joe feels." Josh rolled his eyes. He was being shot at and he was completely out of building materials. On top of playing therapist for his closeted friend. "This is all so complicated. Can't you ask someone else? What's Alex up to?"

"Sleeping, as usual." George kicked at something. There was a litany of crashes and a short yelp from the other end of the phone.

"You okay, George?" Josh tried not to sound too concerned. God forbid his careless facade get shattered.

"Fine," George replied, weakly. "I'll... see what Al has to say. Thanks."

Josh hung up. He finally got the dub after a tense standoff, and he let his controller fall onto the ground as he collapsed back onto the bed, laughing loud enough to wake the dead.