Let Me Be The One ✅

Fifth

𝙵𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 ( 𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝙰𝚐𝚘 )

| 𝙹𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚘'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 |

A year has passed. And yet I still felt like I still lived in darkness. Though when I am in front of everyone else, I hide this darkness and put up an act as if I was alright and that I was fine, when in reality, I was struggling and in pain.

But I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to cause trouble and have anyone worry about my personal matters, and cause anyone to suffer for me.

And so I just smile, laugh and act like I was okay. Even though in reality, I wasn't close enough to being alright.

They do not need to know my pain. Because I knew they were drowning in their own problems, issues and insecurities as well.

I walked passively towards the rooftop, passing my way through classrooms and the hallway.

I maintained a neutral face, ignoring the stares and soft murmurs of students watching my every move.

I made a turn and went to climb up the stairs, hearing a pair of students exchanging words.

"Wah ~ isn't that Jisoo-ah? The one who lost her entire family in a car accident??"

"Oh, yeah that's her indeed. She's so strong isn't she? She seems to be fine even after the incident. I admire her for her bravery."

I mentally groaned, as I sighed and continued my way up the stairs, getting teary-eyed as the pain slowly creeps up my heart.

I released a heavy sigh as I reached the rooftop, smiling to myself as I saw that nobody else was around.

That means I need not to pretend to be okay in front of anyone at all and I could finally express my 'real' feelings.

I sat at a corner and went to grab the pocket knife I kept hidden in my back pocket. I smiled as I admired the sharp tool.

I adjusted the sleeves of my shirt and pointed the knife dangerously close to my pulse, contemplating whether to continue or not while sobbing slightly as I remembered my parents and siblings.

I started making marks on my wrists, nothing lethal, but enough to make it bleed. I flinched as I felt the sting from getting the wounds on my wrist, blood dripping down slowly onto my skirt and even on my shirt.

But I didn't mind. All I wanted was to forget. And this was my way of coping up the pain.

I heard someone yell and so I turned my head to where the voice came from.

My eyes went wide as I saw Seokjin, one of BTS members, rushing to my side and grabbing the pocket knife away from my grasp with an angry expression written on his face.

"Yah! Jisoo-ah!" He shouted at me as I started to calm myself from crying. My heart beating fast, as I was exposed. This must have been his safe haven.

"You shouldn't be doing this to yourself!" He said as he went to rummage in his bag, grabbing a health kit.

I sat there wide-eyed as I watched him clean up and bandaged my wounds expertly like a pro.

When he was through, I sat there in silence as he stared at me. His gaze piercing my soul. I didn't want him to see me this way. Nor anyone for that matter.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me why are you like that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are you pretending?"

"Excuse me? I am not pretending!"

"Yeah you are. You're pretending to be happy even though you're not."

"What -"

"I can see it clearly. You're obviously miserable. You're putting up an act when you're with your friends, pretending to be happy. But when you're all alone, all you do is cry and hurt yourself. So tell me. Why are you like that?"

"You're mistaken. I'm completely fine."

"Then why doesn't your smile reach your eyes?"

"Why do you even ask? It's not like it matters to you."

"It does."

"No it doesn't concern you at all! This conversation is over. I'm leaving."

"Wait!"

"What?!"

"Let me."

"Let you what?"

"Let me be the one to make you genuinely smile."

"Why would you want to see me smile genuinely anyways?"

"It's because I care and love you! I want to see you become genuinely happy. So let me! Let me make you smile, truthfully. Let me help you heal and forget your pain! Let me...love you the way you deserve to be loved."

I sat there. Frozen. My heart beating fast, as warmth engulfed it and my cheeks flustered. I did not know how to respond.

I knew Seokjin, right from when we were just little kids. But I had no idea, he felt that way towards me.

"How can you possibly love me? I'm broken and bruised. I'm not the person you think I am. I am a murderer."

"Stop blaming yourself for something you did not do. I don't care if you're broken or bruised. I want to be with you, even if you aren't at your best. I want to help you. So let me.. I promise, I'll be with you every step of the way as you heal."

I cried softly as Seokjin pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and cried more, as I felt secure in his arms.

For once in a long time, I felt as if in a short span of time, I was loved, and happy.

And that was the beginning of how Seokjin and I started being more close with each other.