Thoughts

Chapter 14

12.17am.

I awake to intolerable churns coming from my weary stomach, I haven't eaten a proper meal for days- maybe weeks. My heart instantly pounds from the anxiety building up, what's happening to me?

Attempting to not wake Jay, I transport to the bathroom and lean over the toilet. I've been throwing up bile for a couple minutes, but I'm mainly just heaving. There's no food in my stomach to throw up and every heave is like a kick in the gut. This is unbearable. I burst out crying and I don't even care how silly I sound. Jay must've heard because he comes sprinting through the door in as little as a minute, his eyes heavily water as he notices me lying on the freezing, tile floor.

"...h-harvey!"
Jay stutters with a trembling voice.

He rushes down onto the floor and carefully shifts my body in a different direction so I'm leaning on his chest.

With care he wraps both arms around me and places his head on mine. Jay, being the warm-hearted, thoughtful boy he is, ends my whimpering by slowly swaying back and fourth. On top of that, he quietly sings to me and I couldn't help but close my drowsy eyes because it's so soothing. He can sing? I have no idea how he does it but I am instantly calm, my anxiety has decreased but exhaustion finally hits hard. I've barely had any sleep for days, but Jay has finally sent me nodding off.

Without any conversation, Jay carefully gathers me up in his arms and takes me to the bed. He places me down and tucks me in, afterwards he walks to his side to join me. Shuffling closer to my body, he kisses my cheek softly and stokes my face. I finally have enough strength to speak.

"You're my hero, than-"
I couldn't finish, tears stream down my face again.

"Harvey, stop c-crying."
He upsettingly stutters, letting out a slight laugh.

Now is the time to come clean, I'm prettified but he must know.

"Jay, I'm suicidal, depressed and have extreme anxiety. I cover it up the best I can which makes me feel terrible all the time- I don't even want to eat anymore. If you don't want to be with me anymore because of it, I underst-"

I've been cut off by his lips connecting to mine. We move in perfect sync, and I let his lips explore every part of mine. After a couple minutes we part, catching our breath.

"There is no way on earth I will leave you because of depression and anxiety. I have depression myself, I know the feeling," as I gaze upon his eyes while he speaks, it feels like I'm watching waves crash together with his pure emotion, "as soon as I laid on eyes on you when I ran into you at school I felt... different. I felt a way I normally wouldn't feel with anyone else. I've been thinking it through thoroughly, am I just attracted to you by looks? and the answer is no, I've developed feelings for you, Harvey."

With watery eyes, my lips curl into a huge smile leaving me speechless.

"I suggest you get some rest. I feel bad seeing those bloodshot, saggy eyes knowing that I can't do anything to help. Sleep will help you feel better, believe me."

I listen to Jay and nod in agreement. I turn on my side and feel Jay's arm gently surround my waist. He's so sweet...

Jay
-----
As the hours pass by I still remain awake. His breathing makes me smile, his scent has me addicted, his existence has truly made me a better person.

There is not a chance I will sleep tonight, I will make sure he feels safe and protected. I understand love is a very powerful word to say, but I honestly have a strong connection with this boy.

I've thought about it previous nights, asking myself over and over if I really do like him, and I do. No doubt about it. It's early days- yes. But I know we are meant to be, I can physically feel it.