The Damaged -RIVERDALE-DISCONTINUED

FOURTY TWO

It didn't take long for Madelyn to realize just where Sweet Pea had taken refuge at.
The quarry was the only other place he would be that she could think of, and when she finally reached the ledge, the same one that they visited not so long ago, she was relieved to find the tall dark haired boy.
Wordlessly, she sat beside him. Her feet swung over the edge, mirroring his own, and her hands came to rest on her lap.
She kept her eyes focused on him, the teen who wouldn't acknowledge her presence.

"You're mad" she stated.
Sweet Pea huffed, chuckling sarcastically.
"No, I'm just so fucking glad that the girl I've fallen for has no trouble going off and whoring around with some guy."
Manic rolled her eyes.
"Fallen for? If you really fell for me then you wouldn't be so fucking confused about us all the damn time. I swear your more indecisive than a two year old! One minute I think that we're actually something, and the next you don't even bother texting me back for three days!" Manic was fuming at this point. Yeah, she knew she messed up but they weren't together—aren't together.
"So, sorry for not being able to wait around and see if you were ignoring me this week! Sorry that I went out and had some fucking fun! But I can't fucking live my life like this, sitting around and waiting to see if you're ever going to decide to ask me out or not! I've already been through enough bad relationships to last a lifetime, I don't need whatever this is to be added to the already long list."
Sweet Pea finally brought himself to meet her gaze, almost flinching at the pain in them. No matter how much she could keep her face stoic, her eyes always gave her away.

"Stop, please, just stop."
"Stop? Stop what? Trying to make whatever this is work? Or sitting around waiting for you to make up your mind?" Manic yelled, clearly exhausted. She couldn't do this, not again.
She couldn't go through the pain of losing another person she cared for, another person she loves. And losing Sweet Pea, that would be even worse than the pain she felt when she lost Jason.
With Jason, it was quick. He was dead. There was nothing Madelyn could do other than move on, continue to live her life.
But if she lost Sweet Pea, she'd have to live the rest of her life knowing that they could have worked it out. That it was them that gave up on each other.
"You think I don't want this to work?" Sweet Pea's resolve finally broke, "you think I don't know how much of a fucking idiot I am for making you sit around wondering what the fuck we are? Because I do. I know that! But I can't tell you something that I don't know!"
Sweet Pea had gotten up from the ground during his outburst, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
It was quiet for a moment before a bitter laugh cut through the air.
Sweet Pea's attention snapped back to the red head sitting on the edge of the drop off.
"What."
He was angry—no, frustrated.
"It's just, I don't know, funny?" Manic paused, licking her lips as she blinked away tears, "it's fucking pathetic, actually. We're both so fucked up that we can't even admit our feelings to each other, even when they're so clear, so fucking obvious."
This time it was Sweet Pea who laughed.
"When I woke up in the hospital," Madelyn began, her voice soft, "I cried, like full on sobs. I was absolutely unconsolable, and I had no idea why. I just kept crying, and crying, and crying. I didn't know what had happened, not the slightest clue, and all I could think about is that I wanted Jason. That I needed him."
Her voice broke, and she couldn't find it in her to speak any longer.
Sweet Pea ran his hand through his hair once more before letting it fall to his side, and then taking his previous spot.
Swallowing, Madelyn continued speaking.
"When I found out that he was dead, I could actually feel my heart shatter. I loved Jason with everything I had. He was the first person to see me for who I actually was—a teenage girl who got caught up in something bad, and was terrified. He saw Manic, but he also could see Madelyn."
Sweet Pea slowly took Madelyn's hand in his, neither teens acknowledging it.
"Jason saw all of me, even the parts that I couldn't. I let him in, and truthfully, I gave him little pieces of me. And I lost myself when he died, I can't do that again. I can't lose someone I love, not like that, not again. So yeah, I like you. I like you a lot, actually, and I'm terrified."