Changed

Twenty-two

-TWENTY-TWO

I woke up feeling light-headed. My eyes. I can feel them. Parang sasabog sila, ang bigat.

"Ami." I turned my head only to find Xenon sitting on the edge of my bed.

My heart sank upon seeing him. His betrayal. I can remember it vividly. But know I'm gonna be selfish. I'm not going to push him away, am I?

"What are you doing here?"

"Divine," he started and I saw pain crossed his face for a brief second. "She told me you're sick."

"Who told you that I'm here?" He helped me sit even though he was keeping his distance.

"Ahh... Sage told me." He looked away and I wondered why.

"Sage?" I echoed.

"Here, eat this. Pinaluto ko kanina yan. Painit ko ba?" He obviously wants to change the dubious subject.

Seafood soup. Not bad.

"Thanks." While I'm eating, he's watching me. I slowly dropped my spoon. Maybe I really need to sort things out.

"Wha--"
"Can--" we both said. Xenon's lips curled up into a smile.

"You go first," I told him, clutching the covers above my chin. Ang lamig.

I wonder where Sage is.

I mentally shook my head. Enough Sage for this whole week.

Bigla nalang siyang lumapit. I was caught off guard. I was sure as hell na nakita niya na nagulat ako. He kept his smile, and I breathed out.

I automatically closed my eyes when he touched my lashes. I don't know if he's goofing around because I felt him touching my dear eye-luggage.

I was about to open my eyes again when he repeatedly brushed my eyelashes as if he was applying mascara.

"Xenon!" My voice was hoarse and he just ignored it, laughing. Crap. Why is he so playful today? Bati na ba kami?

I caught his arm and opened my eyes. He was grinning pero nung dumilat ako at sinamaan siya ng tingin, nagseryoso siya.

"Seriously, Ami, what did you do last night?" He backed away from me, staring deep into my eyes. I wanted badly to scream that I cried because my friend said all the things a girl doesn't want to hear.

"I was in house-arrest, Xenon." My brain's fighting me. May karapatan ba siyang malaman yun? Akala ko ba... Ugh! Ang gulo.

Maybe he saw hesitation in my eyes because he lowered his gaze and started fidgeting with his hands.

"Xenon," I called then touched his arm lightly. It is now or never. I just wanted to know if I stand a chance or not. Ayokong makipaglaro sa kanya na hindi ko nalalaman yung laro.

"Yes?" He was forced to look at me. Okay, this is it.

I took deep breaths before I started my all or nothing question. My horses were already racing inside me. Butterflies filled my stomach that I can hardly breath.

You can do this, I said to every little cell in my body. I am an Arilla.

"Xenon," I started. "Do you still love me?" Did I caught him off guard? His eyes widened a bit and my heart really really throbbed with pain and all the underlying emotions hiding in it exploded. Crap. What would he say? Wala akong marinig kung hindi ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Then suddenly I don't want to know the answer.