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Forty-six

Amilyte's POV

Everyone's all happy; it's Christmas Eve and we're staying at my grandma's house.

"Grandma, san ko ilalagay?" I asked her. Nagbake kami ng cookies.

"Assort them in the tray," she said. "Julia, where is the milk?" Julia's my eight year old cousin.

"Coming, lola!"

Pasko ngayon pero hindi ko masyadong feel. Ganun ba pag college na? Hindi na thrilling pag pasko? When I was a child, I was so eager for Christmas because I got to experience white Christmas

I heaved out a sigh as I was sitting together with my family on the carpeted floor. 5 minutes nalang kasi at pasko na. Yung mga pinsan kong lalaki kumakain pa ng cookies, while the girl were gossiping. I was left alone, squished between my grandma and my mom.

"10...9...8...7..." they all counted. I tried to blend in, but there's a hole in my heart. The grandfather's clock was ticking. "2...1... Merry Christmas!" We all stood and exchanged hugs and kisses to everyone.

The usual happened. Kumain lang kami and watched a scary movie while our moms and dads went to sip wine.

I tried to slip to my room. I wanted to relax. Puro hate messages ang natanggap ko from Jacky. She called me whore and slut so many times that I lost count. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyayari kay Sage at Tria. Wala naman akong karapatang malaman pa. In the back of my selfish mind, sinasabi niya na okay lang lahat ng nangyayari kay Sage. Kagagawan niya kung bakit nasasaktan si Tria. It's not my fault. But I still couldn't figure out why my heart was shattered.

I promise myself I'll say the words they wanted to hear. I'll clear my name. Pero natatakot ako. Paano kung hindi naman pala worth it sabihin ang totoo? Ayoko namang magmukhang tangang nagpapaliwanag sa mga taong hindi naman ako papakinggan.

A voice interrupted my reverie. "Where are you going, dear?" I was surprised to see Grandma near the door of my room.

"I'm going to sleep po."

Nilapitan niya ko and touched my forehead. "Are you sick, Amilyte? Are you not enjoying Christmas?"

I gave her a faint smile. "Don't worry, Grands. I'm okay."

She frowned at me and held my hand. "I'm a woman, too, my dear. I know you're not okay. Do you want to tell me about it?" She squeezed my hand. I shook my head no and painted a faint smile on my lips.

"You can talk to me anytime, dear." She planted a soft kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone in my sadness.

Do I deserve all the shits Jacky's throwing me? God, I want to remove my guilt right now, so I could strangle her. I can't be happy knowing that Tria may be hurt. Guilt is eating me, and I have to stop this. Hindi lang ako makakatulog. I need to hear it. With trembling hands, I called Sage.

He answered on the fifth ring. "Hello?"

"Sage?" I said in small voice. There's no signs of celebrating. I could only hear his breathing on the phone. Suddenly kinabahan ako.

"Sage?" I called again.

"I screwed up." It is only then that I realized Sage's voice was hoarse and sad. I could feel that he had been drinking.

I bit my fingernails, praying that Sage's safe at his house. "What do you mean?"

I heard him sniff and I couldn't help but to feel hurt. "I broke up with Tria. I broke up with her. Amilyte, why did I broke up with Tria? She trusted me so much. I told her all the sweet things I know. I made her believe there's forever. I used her, Amilyte. I took her for granted. And look at me now, I feel so devastated. She's so good to me. She's heaven, and I destroyed her. I brought her to hell with me. She doesn't deserve this. Damn it."