An Aspie's Life: The Untold and Unknown Story

Chapter 4 - Communicating with Friends (or Future Friends)

        This is a much lighter version of the topic from Chapter 3 but it is still something I feel needs to be addressed with its own chapter. That’s because it has its own set of rules and expectations.

            While in a job situation, everyone is expected to act in a professional manner i.e. no crude jokes, no standing around chatting about something other than the job etc. etc.

            Yet, when work is over and you are free to go home or go out there are still certain conversational rules to follow.

            True, there are many who choose not to follow these rules. Some of those people may be just rude or don’t care but there are a portion of those people who may be undiagnosed or even diagnosed Aspies.

            Just because you know what you have doesn’t mean you are immune from the occasional verbal faux pas.

            Part of this will hit on the list of things I mentioned about the general things that Aspies tend to do. So let’s do this in another list.

1)      Flow of conversation

While being out in public, like a bridal shower or even going out to dinner, there is actually a “flow” to the conversation. What I mean by this is simply that the conversation happening moves from one person to the next. If you listen long enough you can probably even hear the conversation shift from one topic to the next in an easy flow instead of a jerky change of topic.

It’s this flow that’s hard for people who have Asperger’s Syndrome to get into. The best visual I can come up with is trying to jump rope with friends. Your friends all ready have the ropes going and it’s your job to jump into the middle and jump in time with the ropes.

For some Aspies, trying to jump into this flow almost feels like you are interrupting someone instead of waiting so they tend not to join the conversation at all. This leaves them just staring off into space.

I can remember times when I’ve had to do this and the people around me actually looked at me and commented on the fact I hadn’t said anything.

Trying to explain why I wasn’t talking never really happened but because the conversation had stalled at my absence I was then able to join.

In these situations, there are a few things to remember for those who have Asperger’s Syndrome.

One, as long as you don’t break into the middle of someone’s sentence then don’t feel like you are interrupting someone if you really have something to add to the conversation. If they are understanding, then they won’t be mad at you and easily draw off what you’ve just said.

Two, pace yourself. Know how long you’re going to be out and prepare accordingly. If you are stuck out for a set period of time because one of the people there is your ride or you are expected to stay for a period of time, then know when you need to shut down for a minute or two so you can have the energy needed to make it through the rest of your time. Reserve removing yourself to the bathroom or outside in the case of emergencies only; not as something to do every time you need a break.

Three, listen to the flow of conversation and get the feeling for the way things are going and who is talking. Once you understand how it works especially if someone new joins the conversation during that time, it will let you know how to join the conversation when you have something to add.

And finally, if you don’t have anything to add but you don’t feel that mental tiredness, then do your best to look intently at whoever is talking and nod or give an occasional word to let them know you are listening to what they are saying. This is especially important if you are only talking with one person.