An Aspie's Life: The Untold and Unknown Story

A Letter to Those Related to Someone with Asperger's Syndrome

Time for a different track. This chapter is only going to be those who are friends, family, or loved ones who know someone who has Asperger's Syndrome or think someone might have it. It's a letter just for you.

Whether you are just a friend, family member, or loved one of someone who has AS or you think they might have AS you have a very important job for that person in your life. Just because they have this new disorder doesn't change who they are. It doesn't mean they suddenly have all of these new problems just because they were diagnosed. The only thing that's happening now is that there is a name for it. You have become aware that those things they've been doing all this time that seemed off or rude wasn't part of their core personality.

Don't treat them like they suddenly became a different person or that they are somehow less of a person because now they have a diagnosed disorder. They are still the person you knew that now needs you love and support because they will be facing challenges everyday that they didn't have to face before. Now, they have to be aware of everything they are doing. It will wear them out. Some days they won't want to even try. Some days they won't even want to come out of their rooms. It's a completely different world for them.

You need to talk to them. Let them know you still care. Let them know you still see them as exactly the same person that they were before. Let them know you will be there for them whether you can physically be there or not. And if they should mess up, if they have a bad day, or if they try to give up on everything, don't let them. Go to them and encourage them the best way you can. Just doing that very simple thing will let them know they aren't having to do this all by themselves. That they have someone that they can turn to when things are tougher than normal.

Also, know that usually people who are diagnosed with this disorder are extremely intelligent people. They have these great imaginations and visions and ideas and even IQs. Their only problem is that they have a hard time speaking their mind and getting everyone else around them to understand what they are trying to say. Sure, it'll be hard trying to decode what they've just said. Just know you can ask questions if you are confused. It helps them if you ask so they can learn to be clearer on what they are meaning.

Understand that they can do anything they set their minds to. Let them reach for their dreams. If their dream is something that can be attained by someone who doesn't have AS, then you need to encourage them because they have just the same chance of gaining that same goal. The only difference between them and the other person who has attained it is that they haven't been labeled with a disorder that makes people think that they are stupid and incapable of doing things that everyone else can do. If they have the will power to study all that they need to study, work all that they need to work, and do what they have to do in order to be what they want to be, let them know you will support their decision and celebrate with them when they've made it.

Ask what you can do to help them. See if they need you to be more understanding and to make some changes for a while. Allow them the courtesy of having good days and bad days. They will have bad days just like everyone else in this world. Just because they don't speak up and let you know that doesn't mean they are handling it. They might be on the ragged edge and you piling more things on top of their all ready off balance mind would send them over the edge. You have to allow for those days to happen where they may not be the happy and smiling person. Sure, you will have bad days too but don't steam roll over that person because they don't automatically drop everything they are feeling to help you out. If they are having a bad day at the same time as you, then recognize they might not be in the best state of mind. Sure you need someone to talk to but right that moment it may not be able to be your Aspie friend who has listened so well in the past. Give them the time to feel better if you don't have the energy to make them feel better. If you don't know what to say, then say what you feel. Let them know you are having a bad day too and they will understand even if they feel bad.