Rising From the Ashes • COMPLETED ✓

4.) It's All My Fault: Tony Stark

HEADS UP: This chapter depicts Tony having a panic attack. It starts with the phrase: "I almost fall out of my chair..." If you're sensitive to this material, please scroll to the bottom and keep going forward in the book. Everything after that phrase shows how Tony deals with his anxiety, and how he contacts Happy Hogan to help him. That's it! I hope you like the rest of the chapter.

TONY STARK - IRON MAN

July 8th, 2017, Stark Tower

    There aren't many things keeping me going nowadays. I keep thinking of so many mistakes, so many events, so many occurances. Ever since I told the world I was Iron Man... It created a Domino Effect. Would Earth be better without me? Probably.

    Lately I've been working on my suits and making useless inventions, like a refrigerator that can tell you what foods or drinks are starting to run low. Useful; but not at the same time.

    The flip phone Steve gave me is lying on my desk. Everytime I sit down and work on blueprints or email people it stares at me, beckoning to be used. I know Cap will always have my back. Will I always have his?

    Based on what happened last year in Siberia, that's a definite no. Scarlet Witch and Vision are missing, no doubt they're off together somewhere.

I flashback to when I saw her through the prison camera, her arms and legs bound together. She's just a kid, Tony! Steve's words shout at me. I know she is. I know.

Steve, Sam, and Natasha have all disappeared too. I'm glad they did. The government is working their butts off to find them, but I know that when just one of the three want to be off the grid, they'll disintegrate like sugar in water. I hope they're doing okay.

Bucky... I know he's with Steve. At the mention of the former Winter Soldier, the death of my parents comes swirling into my vision; and at the very thought of mom and dad, my temples start to throb.

    "The Avengers were meant to protect, but all it's done is destroy," I mutter to myself. I've been doing that a lot lately, talking to myself. Stark tower has never been so full yet so empty. Happy and James are the only ones who are still with me; but they have their own lives to attend to, not just mine.

Pepper... I shake my head to get the image of the blonde out. It doesn't work. James is somewhere in the tower. He's on a different floor with a physical therapist, working on walking. Imagining James like that makes my mind go into a dark place, one chock-full of hatred and sorrow. Let's not think about James.

    Saving lives comes with casualties. That's what Natasha always said. That's what people have always said. But trading lives is not something we want. Protecting them is. Guarding them is.

I rub the bridge of my nose and the sides of my head, sensing an incoming headache. It wasn't Wanda's fault. Steve's voice echoes in my mind again. She's just a kid. She's just a kid. It wasn't Steve's fault. It wasn't Bucky's fault.

It's mine. It's all my fault. The headache is pounding now, the hammers in my head are unforgiving. I almost fall out of my chair from the sudden pain. My breath starts to hitch and I feel dizzy and my heart feels like it's being ripped out.

Sensing that something is off, my watch starts to beep and there's a warning flashing on it. 'You are experiencing a panic attack' blinks on the screen. No shit.

    "Friday," I choke out.

    "Yes, boss?"

    "Video call Happy Hogan."

    "Contacting Happy Hogan..." It rings three times before he picks up. I can see his face and by the looks of the background, he's in Stark tower.

    "Tony? What's up?" An image of my face is in the bottom left, and it's bright red and covered with beads of sweat. "Are you okay?"

    "N-No," I stutter, barely able to get the words out. "Panic attack. In office. Help."

    He nods and talks to someone off-camera, ushering people away with his hand. "I'll be right there, Stark." The call ends and the screen goes black. I feel terrified, like someone is putting a knife to my throat. Am I going insane?

I really hope you guys liked this chapter! It takes a peek at Tony Stark's character and how he struggles with mental health; just like any of us. After all, most of the Avengers are (mostly) human. (Cough: Thor, Rocket, Groot, Peter Quill, etc)

If you scrolled down to avoid the panic attack scene, I'm truly sorry if that was too much for you. I totally understand. Enjoy the rest of the story! :)

Next chapter will go back to Steve's POV. Poor Steeb. Also, don't worry about this getting repetitive; there isn't an order of whose perspectives you'll get. I'm thinking of adding in a chapter in Shuri's point of view. Thoughts?