Rising From the Ashes • COMPLETED ✓

33.) Not a Monster: Natasha Romanoff

NATASHA ROMANOFF - BLACK WIDOW

July 17th, 2017, Wakanda

A pile of shredded punching bags decorates the corner of the training room. At my request, Shuri brought in some that weren't 'Natasha-proofed.' I can't help but destroy them, though. I'm tired of being trapped in Wakanda. 

Even though it is a beautiful, magical, and wonderful place; I want to be back in civilization, stopping criminals left and right. I want to be helping. I want to utilize my skills. Here, in this hidden part of Africa, my talents aren't really needed. Especially with The Dora Milaje and every other trained guard here.

How am I helping by staying in this hidden kingdom?

It's wishful thinking to go back into the world, however. I'm not ready yet. Neither is Steve or Sam.

Before I know it, the bag I've been taking out my fury on bursts. Sand and cotton explodes in my face and all over the floor. In the messy chaos, the door to the room opens—every single one of my senses now hyperalert. I'm about to impose on whoever entered until, speak of the devil, I see Sam Wilson.

"Hey Wilson," I greet him with a smirk.

"What's going on, 'Tash?" He gestures at the floor in front and behind me. "You got some issues you need to solve?"

I scoff at the nickname and Sam in general, "You don't even want to know."

He mirrors my grin, but it doesn't last. "Romanoff, is something really bothering you? You know you can talk to me or Rogers, right?"

I nod. "I know, Sam. I know. What I don't know is what to do. Every day, all I do is train and train and train and..." My voice breaks off, "...and try to forget. I can't help but feel useless here in Wakanda." A heavy sigh escapes my mouth.

"I know how you feel. But we can't leave Africa yet. We're still being hunted down by the government, even though it's been a little more than a year." Sam carefully puts a hand on my shoulder, making sure that I can see his every movement. It takes a lot of effort to not shrink away.

"I understand that. I'm ready to go back out, of course... But Steve and Bucky need some time to catch up."

Sam nods, a faraway look in his eyes, understanding perceptible on his face. "They really do."

Just then, an idea pops into my head. "Speaking of catching up, I have to go."

Wilson just gives me a knowing smile. "I'll see you at dinner?"

"See you, Falcon."

He gives me a playful salute as he puts on a pair of gloves. I mirror his movement.

On the way back to my room, I can practically feel my mood rise with each step. I smile more and wave harder at the passing guards, I appreciate the absolutely astonishing architecture of the palace a bit more, and my chin is held up high—much higher than usual.

~

"Nat? How are you doing?"

"Hey, Clint." I smile at my old friend, the wrinkles in his face just as deep as they've always been. "I'm doing okay. Can I see the kids?"

He nods, gesturing off the camera. "Honey, it's Natasha." Then his voice raises as he shouts. "Kids, do you wanna see Auntie Nat?" A chorus of happy screams and the word 'yes' makes the grin on my mouth even wider.

Footsteps near Clint and I know that it's his wife, Laura. Her smiling face joins my friend's in the Skype call. Her smile is sweet but worn out, an expression that I'm all too familiar with.

"How've you been, Laura?"

"Amazing," She answers. "I'm exhausted, but I'm so happy that my family's together again. How about you, Natasha?"

I don't answer for a few seconds. "I've been better," I reply. She nods in understanding. Laura runs her hands over her stomach, which is now flat. Two years ago, her son, Nathaniel Pietro Barton was born. Nathaniel being the masculine version of Natasha, and Pietro after the Pietro Maximoff: The boy who saved Clint's life with his own. "I've been a lot better," I echo, not knowing why.

"I-I'm sorry to hear that," Laura answers.

I realize how crazy I sound and shake my head. Clint's eyes narrow, as if he can tell something is wrong. He always can. "It's alright, you have nothing to be sorry for, Laura." She smiles. I smile. I'm just about to speak more when I see Cooper and Lila come onto the camera.

"Hi, Auntie Nat!" They exclaim in union, their large grins filled with gaps from lost teeth.

A breath of relief escapes my mouth. I'm not crazy. "Hey, kids." Lila and Cooper immediately tell me about their day, and how there was this huge butterfly, and how Cooper kicked a soccer ball so high it landed in a tree, and how Lila got a little hurt when she fell off her bike. I'm sitting there, absorbing their chatter in, when I see little Nathaniel's head appear on the screen.

My heart fills with even more joy. It's the first time I've smiled like this in so long.

Not a monster, I think, as I see my reflection on my computer. I'm not a monster.