LOVE, HIRO.

ENTRY #45.

05/31/08
DEAR JOURNAL,

a continuation.
after the incident, my friends decided we would skip school and they dragged me over to a froyo shop.

they bought me a large cup of blueberry froyo and sat around me like a protective wall. they all scrutinized me as i took small bites of my yogurt. i wondered if this was the moment where they were going to kick me out of the group.

then asiaku broke the silence.

"hiro-kun...why didn't you tell us?" she gently asked me, her face holding no trace of judgment. instead, her expression was kind.

"yeah...i could've beat him up instead, if he was bothering you, y'know." mirai stated, though seriously. "were you dealing with this alone?"

watari looked guilty. "well...to tell the truth, there was that one time where that amano guy was bothering hiro, and...i saw it."

"what? why didn't you tell us, then?" chie asked, disappointed. mirai looked angry. i shook my head.

"don't get mad at him. he was only doing what i begged him to; and that was to bury that incident and never mention it again." i confessed, and my friends gave me looks of disbelief.

"but why?" chie asked me sadly.

"i didn't want to bother you guys. i figured that maybe, i could deal with this alone and not drag anyone into this mess." i whispered, running my hands through my bangs. "i felt weak. i felt like a burden. i didn't want any of you to see that."

"hiro, we're your friends. you're never a burden." akira quietly assured me.

would they still be my friends if i came out of the closet? i winced at the thought.

"i have to confess something."

"you don't have to tell us now, don't pressure yourself."

"i have to."

"okay..."

"i don't know if any of you would want to be my friends, after this..."

"hiro, we'll be your friends, no matter what." watari assured me.

"what he said."

my friends voiced their agreement and it all felt so genuine that i wanted to break down right there in the froyo shop.

"guys...amano was right."

"hm?" they all gave me a look of confusion. i inhaled deeply, then exhaled, hoping to release the bad thoughts along with the air.

"guys...i'm gay."

i hung my head, facing my shoes. i felt so ashamed. why couldn't i trust my friends to accept me? why did i have to be so scared?

then i felt warmth. lifting my head, i realized everyone had enveloped me in a group hug.

then i realized i was crying.

"is that what you didn't want to tell us?" chie gently asked me. i could only manage a nod.

"it doesn't matter, who you want to kiss." mirai assured me. "hell, i'm pretty bisexual myself."

"you're okay, hiro." akira whispered.

"you don't have to be scared anymore." asiaku soothed.

"and we'll always be your friends, no matter what!" watari finished.

it was all genuine and i was so sad yet i was so happy. i truly didn't have to be scared anymore. neesan stood up for me. my friends will stick by my side through thick and thin. maybe what amano said doesn't matter, and maybe one day i will realize that myself.

"thanks, guys. i don't know what i would do without you."

on a lighter note...
we left the froyo shop and we decided to skip school the entire day.

"so, hiro, is that why you've been blushing around that kouhai of ours? ulaz, was his name, right?" chie mischieveously smirked. i blushed as if on cue.

"cat's out of the bag, huh?" i laughed, a little shyly. "yeah, i guess you could say i have a little crush on him."

"little? you sure about that?" mirai chimed in, her smirk matching chie's. we all laughed.

"honestly...i ship it."

"chie!"

we laughed again, the sunset coloring our faces pink and orange as we all waited by the school for neesan. that was a good ending to a shitty day.

LOVE, HIRO.