I did the Gravest Sin

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I love my best friend but call me stupid and slut, I love her fiancé more.

I'm always behind you two, killing myself by watching you hugging and kissing each other.

Don't care of pain just to be with your romantic dates— my deadly days just to watch him happy. To be with him.

You are so kind. You are gorgeous. You are smart. You are genuine. Every individual dreaming you to be their best of friends. I'm lucky.

You even let me be with all your hangouts with your fiancé just to make me happy and not to feel lonesome. You save me from the damn cruel world, from my own vulnerability, from the dark... yet I did this gravest sin to you.

He finally noticed me. I suddenly felt regret. I want to run in non ending one line bridge and let myself fall and be eaten by the unknown monstrous creatures. But I cant... I love him, this is my time... my chance.

I'm sorry, my bestfriend. We had a secret relationship. I told you, I love you but I love him more.
It's your third anniversary with him. You didn't invite me to be with you two. I know you want to be with him alone. You want to spend your special day with him. But because I am a devil, a slut, a whore, a bitch, I insist myself to join.

In cinema, you reserved a seat for me on your right side but I sat beside him instead. You creased your forehead so I pointed the one whole family walking towards us occupying the five seats, exactly the number of chairs beside you. You just not and smiled a bit.

I know you're unhappy and a bit upset. I'm sorry.

You leaned your head on his shoulder. He snaked his right arm around your waist. Envious killing me. I bit my lower lip and let myself gulped nth times.

I touched his left arm, slid it... downward, slowly,teasing. He looked at me. I could see the lust, fear and doubt at the same time in his eyes. His mouth parted. He held my hand and intertwined it with his, hiding those inside his pocket.

You were upset but it only takes hours. Tomorrow comes, you came into my house, asking me to go shop with you. I asked, where your fiancé is. You smiled weakly and answered me by shrugging your shoulders. You almost cried saying he's being cold to you these passed days. He barely texts and calls you and now he said he has important thing to do that's why he can't be with you, you added. This is the day you'll have a meeting with your wedding coordinator.

My heart hurts. A pinched of a witch cutting my heart into pieces, breaking it like a wine glass. Seeing you like this makes me want to stop my silliness and kill myself.

I hugged you and then the pained tripled when I felt water dropping on my shoulder. You are crying! I-i'm sorry.
I looked up, not letting any tears to escape from my demonic eyes. My eyes who lead me to that guy. My sinful eyes who first fell inlove with him. I wish, I was blind.

You only smiled when I say, I can't go with you because I have to attend some important event. You bid farewell and smiled again. You even said, "Take care. I love you, My crazy bestfriend". You chuckled.

Why? Why do you have to smile when we both know you were hurt?
Why? Why?! Why did you still saying those words to me?! Why are you saying to take care of myself?! Why are you still loving me?!

Time ticked. I went to the place we always seeing each other secretly. In a five star hotel, kilometers away from our home, from her fiancé, from my bestfriend.

We kissed and touched each other when we reached our room. I am addicted to your man, my best friend.

He pushed me on the wall and ripped my dress. Fuck! He kissed me hungrily as I pulled up his shirt and take off his pants. We are both naked. He carried me, putting my legs around his waist and thrust so fast. We both moaned in pleasure.

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