Not Again (Johnlock AU)

The Empty Hearse

       It had been three full months since Sherlock forgot his scarf at John's flat. since he had seen John with...her. That woman Sherlock didn't even know the name of. The woman Sherlock couldn't deduce correctly. Two months since Sherlock realized his feelings for John. Over that time, his feelings for the smaller man had only grown. The detective expected those feelings to eventually go away. Those feelings should have only been friendly jealousy where Sherlock didn't want John to be anyone else's. John could only be his...wait. WHAT?! His? What was he thinking? This wasn't friend jealousy. It couldn't be. But Sherlock couldn't, wouldn't accept it to be anything else. Until he began following John more frequently...to make sure he was okay of course. On a different matter, Sherlock never got his scarf back...he ended p buying a new one. It wasn't anything like his old one. It didn't have the same memories with John. Just lonely, hidden, new ones...and Sherlock hated it.

      

       Sherlock had decide to ditch the old hoodie and sweatpants and go back to the suits, coats, and scarfs. No one knew he was still alive...well... except for Molly, Mycroft, and a few people from his homeless network. He hadn't talked to Molly ever since the fall. He had seen Mycroft a few times...but not many. Today was one of those days when he went to his brothers office. It was usually just to yell a each other. But today was different. Sherlock was going to see Mycroft to talk about John. He needed advice. Yes, Mycroft probably didn't know a thing about relationships or feelings, but. . . he is the government after all. What am I thinking?! Asking Mycroft?! for love advice? I must be losing my mind...

Sherlock thought to himself, but quickly put that matter aside once he arrived. He walked down the halls of the large building before reaching his brothers office. He sighed to himself and thought about walking away to solve his own problems. . .but he couldn't. He didn't have to tell his brother about his feelings for John. He just needed to get back into the game.

       Sherlock stepped inside the office and look towards the desk at the end of the dark room. Mycroft was sitting at the desk doing what he usually did besides working out again. . . filing. Mycroft didn't even bother looking up at him. "Hello dear brother. What should I do for you today? Keep you 'dead' for the next hundred years?" He stated with a sarcastic smile.

          Sherlock rolled his eyes and sat down across from him, crossing his legs. "No. I'm here to talk to you about cake." Sherlock mumbled. Mycroft looked up and frowned, "Why are you really here Sherlock? Did something happen to John?" He said with an obvious unconcerned face. Sherlock clenched his fist at the thought of John being hurt and he couldn't do a thing to help him. Sherlock was just about to protest when Mycroft spoke again with a smile, "Oh wait. . . never mind. If something happened to your dear soldier, you'd probably destroy London. Not to mention. . . you'd go back to being a drug addict." Sherlock groaned and looked away. "I need to get to know London again. Breathe it in, every quiver of its beating heart. . .without hiding from. . ." he trailed off at that last part, not wanting to give it away. Mycroft stared at Sherlock for a while before nodding and going back to his filing business. "You can leave now. . .back to Baker Street. Sherlock Holmes."

       Sherlock walked into a dark, empty alley and began to fish through his coat pockets before pulling out a cigar and lighter. He placed the cigarette between his teeth and brought the lighter up to his mouth and began to light it. As he did, the detective thought about John. Did John have any feelings for him that weren't only friendly ones? If Sherlock told the army doctor how he felt. . . would he feel the same? Would he reject him?

Sherlock finally managed to light his cigar and breathed in the deathly substance. He closed his eyes and slowly breathed out.

Should I tell John? How will he react? I'm supposed to be gone. . .dead.  Sherlock thought of the many ways to expose himeself  to John.

            He could explain to him that he jumped to save John because he loved him. . . that he's never loved anyone like John Watson before. Yes that could work. He just needed to get his mind cleared out, and this alley wasn't going to help. He breathed in the smoke a few more times before tossing it onto the ground and crushing it with the tip of his shoe. Sherlock looked up at the setting sky and walked out of the alley and towards a familiar building where John had a serious conversation with her. . . The Woman.

Of course he didn't know John was also heading in that direction.