Leather and Lace (Editing)

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

A few hours later my doctor had come in and evaluated my injuries. He took off the bandage around my stomach and let me tell you, by the looks of the puffy pink skin and ugly purple incision being pulled together with delicate stitches, it's going to leave a rough scar.

Once he was satisfied with my healing progress, I was able to leave the hospital after one night of observation.

I agreed to stay with Ian for now, after half an hour of arguing. I insisted I just go home, I mean this isn't the first time it's happened but he stood his ground and wouldn't allow me out of his sight.

I guess it's for the best, until I heal completely anyway.

So two days passed, with the silence between me and Ian growing by the hour. I must admit, it's probably my fault. I've been avoiding him as much as I could get away with and only slipped in a few small smiles when we passed each other.

I don't want to seem childish but I’ve had growing tension every time I even thought about Stacey and the jealousy was eating away at me. I was trying my best to hide it but the fact that I was already in a foul mood from not having my regular doses was just making me more emotional. Anger was the first on my list.

I pace around my temporary room and run my fingers through my messy hair again. Storming over to the window and looking out over the once calming view, I resist the strong urge to smash the window in front of me.

I grip the window sill hard and breath in and out, trying to calm my racing heart and concentrate on the dimming sky but nothing seems to keep it off my mind.

One minute it would be the drugs and then Stacey taking over my thoughts, it makes my inside twist. I need something... anything to make it stop... I need that rush that takes over my body and makes me feel weightless, or even just something to make me less anxious. Just something... anything...

I let my mind take over as the panic starts creeping up, closing in on me and making me feel trapped. My breathing starts coming out in rapid gasps and my body shakes.

My stomach twisting as I run into the connected bathroom and throw up my lunch, I spit and flush the contents before standing up weakly and making my way towards the cabinet above the sink, throwing everything onto the ground that wasn't of use to me until I give up and make my way into Ian's room without thinking.

Not even bothering to check if he is there or not, I walk into his bathroom and throw open the cabinet, searching for any type of prescription medication but come up with nothing.

I scream in frustration, gripping my hair as sobs rake my body. There are footsteps rushing towards me so I turn slowly to see a very confused Ian standing there, no doubt looking at me, with the contents of his bathroom supplies at my feet.

I see realization flash over his faced before my knees give way and I slump over onto the white tile floors, the coolness giving slight relief from my overheating body. Ian comes rushing over and picks me up off the floor, sitting me on the bench as a new wave of tears overcome me.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything will be fine." he tries to sooth but I can barely hear him. My thoughts on one thing only, my fix.

I push him away roughly and jump off the bench, rushing out of his room and start descending the stairs. Tears still blurring my vision as I desperately try to stay upright and a cold sweat covers my body.

The need for it is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I can’t even think right, I just know that I need my fix or I'll explode. Every inch of my body is screaming at me.

I trip over my own feet and crash down the last of the stairs, without a second thought I attempt to get up but a pair of arms rap around my waist. Ian holds me to his chest tightly but I take no comfort in it, it only makes me panic more and I start screaming at him as another cold sweat rakes over me, followed by a hot flush.

"LET ME GO!" I scream and thrash in every direction.

"Shhh, Bell. It'll be okay...” he murmurs in my ear. I slump back into his arms in exhausted defeat and sob. My body is shaking and my breathing still erratic.

"I-I...n-need it... Ian…" I stutter helplessly through my tears.

"I know Bell, I know. I won't leave you." he murmurs quietly in an attempt to sooth me, but it only makes a rage surface deep within me.

Why is he making me go through pain?! I need this and he doesn’t even care, trying to keep me locked in his pathetic arms, away from the only thing to cure me of this suffering!

Another wave of nausea hits me but I suppress it and try to struggle out of his arms again, to no use.

"Ian! Let go. Please! Why are you doing this to me?! Please?!" I beg with all the need I can master up. I feel him sigh and get ready to run from his arms but he just tightens them around me, sits us down on the floor with me on his lap and leans his head against my shoulder. Once again I scream at him and kick, cry, sob... Everything to get out of his strong grip fails and all he does is sit there and rocks me back and forth, trying to sooth me.

My breathing starts coming in short rapid gasps as I start to hyperventilate, like my airways were being cut off.

"Shhh, deep breaths Bell, deep breaths. Calm down." he whispers to me gently, like I would break if he talked any louder.

I feel like I would do anything for that one hit. Just one fix, that's all it would take to end this.

"Ian?! Make it stop!" I basically scream as another hot flush burns my body and a cold sweat continues to coat my skin.

I feel him sigh and something leak onto my shoulder and down my arm.

"Just... take deep breaths." he whispers again, his voice breaking.

He sounds so broken. My mind loses some of the fog that is putting me in this blind rage and I try to take in his words. Tears still run down my cheeks like streams and uncontrollable sobs still rake over my body, making it hard to take charge of myself again but I grip onto his hand and close my eyes, slumping back into Ian's tight comforting hold, forgetting everything and focusing only on calming my heart rate.

After what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, I’m thinking clearly and have full control of myself. The hot flushes stop and I’m only left with a sinking feeling within my stomach. What just happened?

It was like something had taken over me. I was only focused on getting my fix and would do anything for it. Whether it be kill someone or rob a bank. At that moment I wouldn't have given it a second thought. As long as I got something rushing through my system to stop the pain.

The worst part is, I know it will happen again. If I continue to not take my fixes, it will only get worse before it can get better and that quite frankly, terrifies me.