Leather and Lace (Editing)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

**One month later**

I plunged another needle into my scarred arm without a flinch and poured the liquid into my veins.

Sitting back against the couch and slumping against a passed out Ethan, I sighed and felt the peaceful hum take over my body, drowning out the depressing thoughts that often took over my sober mind.

I sighed as my body began to feel heavy again and I could barely move an inch of my limbs. Just how I liked it, when I couldn't think straight enough for my thoughts to take over and urge me towards a sharp object or a dangerous height.

I didn't want to be like that. All depressed and suicidal. Sometimes if I was left with my own thoughts too long I would feel the unusual prickly feeling crawling it's way through my gut, to my heart and I know if I didn't retreat to my fix it would take over my mind and it scared me to think that I wasn't in control of it.

It first happened a few days after coming back to Ethan. After enduring more verbal abuse then ever, after he beat me down to my original guarded self and made me clean every mess until the house was spotless to his standard, it was all finally able to go back to the old ways but sometime during that transition, something flicked inside of me like a light switch.

Suddenly whenever I was somewhat sober things in my mind would become dark and clouded. Everything I thought about had a bad side and it would engulf me in a pit of depression, leaving my mind separate from my body, so when I actually realized what was happening, I was already reaching for a blade.

I never let it get that far though and kept my mind at ease under the cloud of drugs. Keeping myself basically incoherent seem to do the trick.

The thing that made it worse was if I thought about Ian. Everything would go down hill, I would get a sinking feeling then it would feel like my insides were being suffocate, then I would be in a determined trance, heading for the next sharpest object.

Ethan moved under me and slid down so he was laying on the couch. I automatically slumped down beside him and let my head hit the bumpy material, sighing and letting my groggy mind slip into a deep sleep.

***

As I slid my heavy eyes open and looked around, I was still in the exact same position as before. Ethan crowed around me, still sleeping off his dose and snoring gently in my ear.

I carefully maneuvered myself out of his arms so he wouldn't wake and stood beside him, stretching out my sore tight muscles.

I could still feel the effect of my last dose and walked over to the bedroom, slipping myself into the slightly more comfortable bed and easily dozed back to sleep.

***

Once we were both awake and freshly cleaned, we sat back down on the sofa and looked around the room in silence.

Ethan decided to break it. "Anna, I lost my place with the guys." he stated glumly.

I frowned. "How..?"

"You know I can't answer that." he snapped.

I nodded in understanding. Ethan had been in a sort of business with people he met in a drug deal. I'm not too aware of any of the details but apparently it was illegal and very hush hush. He wasn't aloud to tell anyone details, including me but as long as it had supplied us with enough money I was happy.

"Well, what's gonna happen now? How will you pay rent and everything?"

"That where you come in.." I frowned, confused.

***

I was not comfortable with this. At all. But as Ethan had explain it was the only thing to help the situation.

I pulled at the very revealing mini skirt and looked down at the thin piece of material that I wouldn't even call a top. It barely covered my chest and the push up bra beneath it made my cleavage 10 times more noticeable.

My legs were visible through the fishnet stockings and my feet were aching in a pair of 5 inch shiny red stilettos. To sum it up I looked like a cheap hooker. Just how they wanted me to be.

I was now just something for guys to marvel, slap and hoot at as I walked around serving drinks as they drooled over the girl on stage, popping of the little clothing she already had on.

And soon, I would be up there too. Unfortunately just serving drinks wouldn't cover the costs I needed to make, so of course I now have to parade around on a small stage and grind on a pole, while strip teasing the audience.

I cant believe I've even agreed to any of this. Even though I probably wouldn't have a say in the matter.

A middle aged guy with a grey thinning hairline and deep frown lines, lounged behind me and slapped my ass, making me jump a little and turn around shocked for a moment. I was about to yell at him for being a pig, when I realized its all just apart of this stupid job. So I just ground my teeth together and plastered a very fake seductive smile.

"Would you like something sir?" I asked confidently and slowly bit my bottom lip.

"A whiskey. Straight." He stated and shamelessly stared at my chest.

I just smiled again and nodded but as soon as I turned away my face fell and I stomped over to the bar with a storm brewing over my head.

The little petite blonde smiled sympathetically as she approached.

"First day?" She asked quietly. It was surprising I could make out her soft voice over the loud pounding music.

I just nodded. "Whiskey, straight."

She nodded and went to pour it from a large almost empty bottle and came back to hand the glass to me.

"You'll get used to it. Trust me." she stated reassuringly.

I sighed and sent her a small smile before heading back to the man wanting the whiskey.

Trust was the last thing on my mind right now.