Leather and Lace (Editing)

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I didn't watch my sunset that night. It wasn't my time and even though I could have easily just jumped, my life is still yet incomplete and if I was going to give myself anything, it would be to die happy and myself.

Not in a haze of drugs or just a stupid rash decision . If I could control it that is. To me death is something not to take for granted, it's one of the limited things I can somewhat control in my life and I don't won't to throw it away without any thought to the matter.

Last night I had come to the conclusion my life was not complete. I was still to find out so many unanswered questions and if burying all my depressing thoughts would get me them, then thats what I would do.

I walked out of the club and into the chilly morning air. The sun was only making its first appearance of the day, slowly peaking out over the small houses.

I was in my own mind, too consumed by my sleep deprived thoughts to even notice the large figure stumbling towards me. Just before he slammed right into me, I side stepped, causing his shoulder to hit mine harshly, making me stumble back on my high heels uncomfortably, before regaining my balance.

I barely had to look twice to know it was Ethan.

He turned back around and I half expected him to lash out, beat me to a pulp right here on the side walk but all he did was stand there, looking at me desperately.

I could smell the alcohol from a meter away and silently took in his ragged clothes, the almost empty vodka bottle dangling carefully from his fingers and the slight glint of tears in his green eyes.

"This isn't how it was planned you know..?" he all but whispered to me as a tear glistened down his cheek.

"Ethan?" I asked almost in shock. I had never, in the whole time I had known Ethan, seen him like this.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way!" he finally exploded, letting his voice ring out in the dead street. "I had plans, a future. Not this, just some low life bogan that has nothing going for him." His voice was a broken mess as he threw the glass and let it violently smash against the brick wall.

I stood there totally silent as it all took place, unable to stop it and unable to move.

First I saw the glimmer of a gun in his jeans before he collapsed onto his knees and pulled it out.

The slight crazy jolt in hit eyes as he looked down at it and then to me.

One last thing passed his lips "I'm so sorry Annabelle.." before he raised it to his mouth and with one last desperate tired look, he pulled the trigger.

I felt the earth move beneath me as I started to loose my balance, a scream passed my lips but I was unable to hear it. All I could hear was the ring of the gun echoing through my head and my erratic heart beating in my ears.

I gripped the side of the wall for balance as my eyes pulled away from Ethan's mangled body.

And I walked away slowly, numbly. I followed the brick wall until I was far enough to not be able to see the mess that used to be Ethan and collapsed onto the hard concrete, not caring about the impact.

I felt hollow. Not yet able to comprehend what this meant for me and too in shock to realize what really happened. But as it started to sink in, a sickening feeling rooted itself in my stomach, making it's way into my mind and smothering me in total guilt and shame.

I couldn't make up my mind wether it was a good or bad thing. It would happen eventually, right?

Just thinking that made my mind reel in horrible thoughts again. Am I really that self centered to only think about myself at this moment?

Maybe that's the only way I could deal with it. Just another person dead. Just another close lifeline to my ruthless ability to consume drugs.

Just another persons life wasted.

His eyes. They say it's the window into a persons soul and all I could see was pain and heartache... Just dark sad pits. The remains of a once charming young man. Someone son, brother and nephew.

Someone's family, gone from the world with a short pull of the trigger.

And now I'm left here with all these images burned into my mind like a constant slide show. Just another reason to escape reality.

***

Hey there,

Sorry for the late update but there's alot of stuff happening all at once this weekend. Sorry if my updates are inconsistent again.

Plus I've caught up with my chapters so I'll be writing as I update, anyways sorry again if I miss a day or two, I'll try my best.

Btw, what did you think of that? Were you expecting Ethan to do that? And what do you think Anna will do now?