Leather and Lace (Editing)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I was stunned for a moment before I was even able to process what was happening, and before I new it my body took over any thoughts of judgment and doubt I had. My fingers weaved into his smooth hair and I felt like I was home, for the first time in weeks, months, I couldn't even remember. I didn't want to.

We both reluctantly parted for air but I wasn't letting go, not yet. I lent my forehead on his chest as he buried his head in my hair and sighed.

First I felt the tears drain from my eyes in a steady flow, then the sobs started to take over my body. All he did was hug me closer, not needing to ask why I was suddenly having a mental breakdown.

"I'm tired Ian-" my voice was cut off by another sob. "I'm just so tired. Of this, us. Life."

"I know Bell.." he murmured softly, drawing circles into my back.

"I... miss you." I cried into his chest and all my anger just flooded out completely. All I wanted was him, all I ever wanted was Ian.

He lifted my chin to face him. "I miss you too Bell, so much."

"Stay with me then. Please? Just run with me now, I'll go anywhere." I pleaded, sick of everything that was holding us back constantly.

"I...-" I could already see the answer in his eyes before he answered. "I can't."

Just after the painful words left his mouth there was a click at the front door and a girl my age walked in, with flowing blonde hair a small petite frame, struggling to carry the mountains of bags flowing from her arms.

Before she got the chance to notice me I grabbed hold of Ian and pulled him down to me in a tight hug. For just one more time I wanted to be able to feel his arms wrap around me in a protective hold, to be able to smell him around me and to see those smoldering blue eyes hold mine, even for just a second.

Before once and for all letting go, I lifted myself on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear "I love you." with the most broken, torn voice I had ever imagined would leave my lips.

While he was to stunned to responed I left the room, passing the surprised girl without a word and silently closed the door shut.

I leaned against it for a second before making my mined up about where to go next, still in a complete daze from what had just happened but not regretting a single second. If that was the last time I would see him, I wanted him to know everything. Especially the one thing I had never said out loud, I love him. And it was completely true.

***

Looking down at the busy road and ant like people scurrying around the pavement, I waited silently for it to form in front of my eyes. My sunset.

Sitting up on the tall building Ian had shown me not all that long ago was a great place to clear and sort my mind, to figure out if I was ready to jump or not. To figure out if I could leave behind all the memories and the one person worth living for. To imagine how this would impact on his life.

And if everything came to one important conclusion, jump, then I want my last incredible sight to be this sunset.

It's kind of poetic if you ask me. Just as the sun goes down and disappears into darkness, so will my life. Just like that.

And surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the dark, hollow pit smoldering in my heart, just the simple conclusion that I'm no longer needed. And that doesn't anger or upset me in any way.

It's just the simple fact that has always somehow, in the back of my mind been apparent to me, just waiting to pop it's head up at the right time.

Now as I waited here for my sunset, I calmly reviewed my life and how it has turned out.

But even with the accepting haze I was surrounded in, I could still feel the sadness prickling at my skin and the feeling of incompleteness.

I still hadn't heard those same words uttered to me once.

That's not how I wanted to die.

*****

Hello there,

So what do you think? Whats gonna happen now?

There may be something unexpected coming your way... Hint hint.

Still probably not what your thinking though...

Bye for now :)