Billie White

Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

You shouldn’t be feeling this way about a boy, Billie. A boy shouldn’t make you this upset. How are you going to be a role model for young girls, when you can’t even take your own advice? Come on Billie, you’re better than this. You know you are. So what? He lied, and he joked but that shouldn’t make you cry. You’re better than this. Stronger. Come on, Billie. Come on.

I bat the tears away with my lashes, and pulled on my white summer dress. Breathing hard, I ran a hand through my hair, and slipped my socked feet into a pair of ankle boots. I pulled on a cardigan, then dropped my phone and keys into my boots. A brief smile appeared on my lips, as the keys jingled, and the phone moved around, but it quickly disappeared once Roman came back to mind. His smile spread like soft butter in my mind, and I bit my lower lip, as I made my way downstairs. “Mom,” I said and cleared my throat. She was in the kitchen, in a white blouse and black pencil skirt.

“Yes dear?” she said and planted a kiss on my cheek. I felt her nude colored lipstick on my skin, but didn’t bother to wipe it off.

“I’m going to go for a bike ride,” I said and fiddled with the hem of my dress. “To clear my mind.”

“Okay, honey,” she smiled, and led me out of the kitchen, with her bag in her hand. “I’m going to work now, but you call me, if anything goes wrong, alright?” 

I nodded, and gave her a quiet smile. “Alright, mom.” She smiled at me, kissed my forehead again and then bustled down the hall and left the house; the door slamming behind her. 

I went back to the living room, and watched as she disappeared into the garage, and then soon came driving out. I knew I couldn’t stay out for long, since Jessie would need to be walked.

Slowly, I made my way over to the kitchen, and set out some food and water for Jessie. My mom had brought her basket inside, and she was silently snoozing in it; her head buried underneath her golden paws.

I smiled slightly at her, then slowly made my way out of the house, then locked it behind me. I tried to fit the mood of the sun, it’s rays shining happily down on me. But, it felt like a grey cloud had cast over my head, and just wouldn’t move. It was stubborn, and no matter how hard I tried to sweet talk it away, it didn’t budge.

I made my way into the garage, and wheeled out my bike. I made sure the garage door was closed, then wheeled my bike down my path and started cycling. The wind brushed through my hair, as I cycled down the sidewalk. I dodged the elderly and the dog walkers, and soon cycled on the road, but right next to the curb.

I pedaled and pedaled, and hoped that the further I went, the further I’d cycle away from the pain. I flew through the strands of my hair, and latched tightly on to the hem of my dress. But as I swayed violently from side to side, I made sure that the pain detached and fell onto the cold, hard ground. 

Faster and faster I went, through and along the silent road, where only teens and small cars drove. I pedaled away from the town, and along the silent country road, which led to the lake.

I knew that maybe coming here, would bring back some nostalgic feelings, and the tears would start budding like flowers in spring. But, the lake was the only place I felt serene, and with myself and nature at the same time. I didn’t want to talk to Courtney, and I didn’t necessarily want to talk to my mom. And of course, I didn’t want to talk to Roman. Well, not at that moment anyway.

My pace slowed down, and I heart the soothing sound, of the chain circling round in a circle of eternity. The air seemed cooler, and it had a chance to settle and freeze up my skin.